I HATE my breasts... they are failing me, and all it does is make me feel guilty. Even when I was expecting two mouths to feed, I was planning to breastfeed as much as possible, and only supplement as needed. Now, it seems like the opposite.. like I am only supplementing with breastmilk.
Even with everything that happened to me, I still worked really, REALLY hard. The second I came to my senses in the hospital, I asked for a pump, and when I was transferred to another hospital for rehab, I still kept it up as much as possible. I even thought I was doing good, getting several ounces (2-3) each time I pumped. I knew I should be pumping more often, but it was hard with all my rehab and the drugs that I was on, so I just did the best I could, knowing it might not be enough.
Then it just started to turn south. I tried Fenugreek, and eating oatmeal, and lots of water, and pumping all the time, but I just kept getting less and less. I told myself, "well, I just need to get him to latch on, then my milk will come in" because that's what the lactation consultant said. Well, that was a battle in itself, and we would both get so frustrated. He only latched on a couple times, but most just screamed at me. So, I gave up... and now, I can only pump out 10-30 mL (basically 1 ounce or less) each time I pump.
Its so frustrating, because I feel like I am letting Lane and myself down. Not to mention it is SO hard for my husband to understand. He sees that I can't pump enough, but he thinks I didn't try hard enough to get Lane latched on. OK, fine, I'll agree with him, maybe I gave up to fast, but it was just really frustrating with everything else on my plate. All I want to hear from him is that its OK to give up on pumping. Not that I would, but I just want to know he'd support me if I did.
So, my battle is still on. I still try with pumping, but really only get enough every two days for one feeding. Is it even worth it?? Ughh!!!!
I can't believe its been almost two months since my accident, and since the delivery of my sweet baby boys. So much has happened since then. I, of course, have tons to share, but have been so busy that I haven't really had the time. I'll try to catch everyone up now and will try to be better in blogging now that that's have started to calm down a bit.
As you all know, I had a very serious accident in early October at 33w4d pregnant. As a result, I had an emergency c-section for the delivery of my twin boys, Lucas and Lane. Sadly, Lucas did not make it, due to severe brain damage that had him in a coma since his birth. We took him off life support at 7 days old. It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to go through. I never knew loss or grief like that, and I still haven't dealt with it 100%. I'm not sure I ever will, but I know that my feelings on the subject are best saved for a post of its own, especially in the event anyone else out there experiences something similar. We were fortunate enough to have the group "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" present to capture photographs of Eric and me with Lucas, which we will cherish forever. We haven't brought ourselves to look at them yet, but we were sent the disk. Its something my husband and I will do together when we are both ready.
On a happier note, Lane is doing wonderfully. He spent about a month in the NICU. While his overall growth was great, his lungs were (and still are) very immature, which caused him to have several "spells" of desats while in the hospital (in other words, he would stop/slow his breathing so much that his oxygen levels would significantly drop). As a result, he was sent home on an apnea monitor when he left. The monitor, in itself, was a trial and an experience. The entire first day it would alarm non-stop, but never due to an apnea issue. All the alarms were due to the leads falling off. Luckily, the in-home nurse who came to check on him gave us some tape that solved the issue. He now only needs to wear the monitor when he sleeps at night or if we are not in the room with him, and he will likely be off the monitor next week. The funny thing is I am scared to take him off. Its been annoying to deal with but its always been a safety feature to know he is breathing!!
In other Lane news, he is growing wonderfully. He weighed 4 lbs 8 oz when born, and now weighs 7 lbs 15 oz (at 8 weeks old). He completely cracks me up. He is such a happy baby, except after meals, as he has some reflux issues. As a result, he is now on Zantac twice a day. Its helping some, but he is still uncomfortable after each meal, and spits up all the time. Its a work in progress to find the right medication for him.
Now, on to me. I had a laundry list of issues as a result of the accident, including several broken bones (pelvis, left collar bone and shoulder, several ribs and vertebra, and tailbone) and what is called a mild TBI, or traumatic brain injury, a.k.a. brain bleed. The TBI is actually why I blacked out after the accident and can't remember several things, including my first days in the hospital. After spending a few days in the trauma ICU, I was moved to the surgery tower. I had surgery on my pelvic bone and now have two huge screws holding it together. After a week, I was transferred to another hospital, away from my baby, to a rehab specific hospital, where I spent several hours a day learning to walk and other skills. When I left after two weeks, I could walk with a walker, as I could not put weights on my left side, and I had a wheelchair for longer distances (for instance, visiting Lane in the NICU, since he was there for about a week after I was released). Now I can put weight on my left side, but I still am using the walker. I started outpatient PT today and will hopefully be moving to a cane in the next week or so.
I've had a lot of help since my accident. My husband was out of work on leave to help, and I wouldn't be able to make it without him. I know how stressful it must have been for him, but he really did everything in the world for me, including turning our dining room into a little bedroom for Lane and me since I can't get upstairs. My mom has also been a huge help. She lives out of town, but has spent a lot of time with us, and she will be coming next week since Eric will be going back to work. I'm out of work on disability until March, and may even stay out after it ends, to be with Lane.
Like I said, a lot has been going on in the past two months, but I felt like I couldn't start back my blogging until I caught everyone up. Even with everything that happened, I do feel blessed. I am lucky to be alive, especially when I see pictures of my car! I'm lucky to have a happy and healthy son, even if it wasn't exactly what I planned and prepared for. I'm lucky for my husband, my family, and my friends. So many people have reached out to us, with food, and maid services, and many other things. I didn't know so many people cared, but I truly feel blessed. It doesn't mean I don't have pity parties, because I do, but they pass and have becoming fewer and farther between.
So that is everything... and I'm going to work to keep up with blogging from here on out. I want to share everything I think and feel, because hearing from others who went though something similar has been helpful for me, and I want to be helpful to others. I have so many thoughts on grief and loss, and struggles, and blessings, but I also want to document Lane's life and growth.
Talk to you all soon! (and hopefully my futures posts won't be so long!!)
I know that many of you are wondering where I have been these past two weeks. Some of you are aware of the events that have come to pass, but I am starting to feel like I am in a place to share with you my story. This could be long, it will be sad, and it may border on graphic, but regardless, I wanted to share my story.
Two weeks ago tomorrow, on Thursday October 7th, my life was changed forever. I decided to leave work a few minutes early to go by the mall and pick up some long sleeved maternity shirts. It was a quick, in and out trip... or so I had thought.
As I left the mall, I waited at my light to take the left hand turn that would take me home. When my light turned green, I saw the other cars around me stop, and so I pulled out. And there waiting for me was am ambulance, although I didn't know it at the time. I saw it for only a split second, then there was darkness. I woke to being cut out of the car, while a woman spoke to me, asking me questions.
All I could scream was that I was pregnant. No matter how much I knew they already knew didn't matter. I needed to be sure. The second thing I can remember was trying to give Eric's name and number. He needed to be there. I knew what was going to happen, and he had to be there...
I couldn't tell them my name, nor could I relay what happened (that came later), but I needed my boys to be OK. I could tell the doctor's were worried as we were rushed into the O.R. There was no time to prepare; as I started to cry, they put me under. I woke up soon afterwards in the Trauma ICU, very aware of what had happened and how much pain I was in. While making my left hand turn, a private emergency transport vehicle T-boned me directly on the driver's side.
The doctors (with Eric) went through my laundry list of broken bones: left collar bone, left shoulder, several ribs on the left side, several cracked vertebra, tail bone, and pelvic bone (into three pieces), along with some bleeding in my brain. Of all the broken bones, the only one considered operable was the pelvic bone, which would need to wait until Saturday.
It wasn't until I made it very clear how much I didn't care about my injuries that I was taken seriously and told how my boys were. Both were delivered via emergency c-section at 33w4d. Lane, a.k.a. Baby B, was relatively good. He was taken to the NICU and put into an isolette to control his temperature. He had a CT scan along with some other tests but overall was very good. Lucas, on the other hand, was not so well. It became very obvious why they hadn't filled me in on his condition yet.. it simply wasn't good. Eric wanted to tell me... he wanted to take me to him. I knew something very serious was wrong.
My poor boy was low in my pelvis when the accident happened, and he was crushed. As a result, he had severe brain damage and never woke from his coma. We waited for several days to see if anything would change, but it didn't. We baptized him early Thursday morning, then had several pictures taken (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com/) before stopping his ventilator. Eric and I then held him, cried, comforted each other... for hours. Together in our sadness. Until his last breath and heartbeat.
There is still so much to say but I am pushing on my own abilities, fighting back tears and exhaustion. Lucas was cremated today and we will have someone pick him up soon. I bought a necklace to keep some of his ashes with me forever, and should be here tomorrow. I stayed in the same hospital as Lane until Friday when I was transferred to another rehab specific hospital. I spend 3-4 hours a day working one of one with physical or occupational therapists, as well as some individual exercises. I will likely be here for another two weeks before going home, after which I will have someone come to my house several times a week. I'm currently in a wheelchair but am learning to walk (and will hopefully do so by the end of the year).
Honestly, I am not ready to deal with my loss. I have lost a son, I know that. He was beautiful, and I prayed harder than ever before, but right now, my focus has to be on getting better, and providing for Lane, who is still in the NICU. I'm just not ready to deal with it, because by doing so, I'll be letting other things in as well. Other things like the blame... blame of myself, blame of the driver. Or the 'what next?'s. I can't let myself feel so broken right now.
That's all for tonight. I can't do much more. But I will continue to post. You need to know more about Lane. You need to know more about Lucas. It will all come in time.
Exciting news to share! My nephew, Holden Page, was born on Friday, October 1st. He was 7 lbs 10 oz and 19.5 inches long. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to officially meet him, because I am on travel restrictions, but I was lucky enough to Skype with my sister and the little man on Saturday night. He is adorable. He has the cutest chubby cheeks. I cannot wait to hold and squeeze and spoil him to bits!
I don't have any pictures right now, but hopefully someone will send me some soon and I can share with you, but I just wanted to share the big news. The first grandson in our family is here, and two more will be on the way shortly. My parents will have their hands full with three grandsons only one month apart.
Ugh, I'm so pissed. I made it almost 34 weeks without a single stretch mark, and must have gotten a bit cocky about that, because they have shown up. All weekend, the underside of my stomach (to the left of my navel, and area I cannot see) was itching like crazy. I finally got out some mirrors to check it out, and there they were, two little stretch marks. Its nothing too terrible yet, but I'm sure this is just the start. Apparently all the "lubing up" and excessive water drinking didn't help. I thought I'd be lucky, considering my mom did not get stretch marks, but doesn't seem so. Oh well!!
I've also hit hard into the "third trimester insomnia". I've had to start taking a Benadryl at night to sleep, but even last night that didn't help. I think I got a combined total of 30 minutes of sleep. Its making today pretty rough!
Other than that, there really isn't much going on right now (just trying to stay off my feet... have to make it through this week to stay on track with my FMLA plans). We had planned to take care of a lot of baby related items this weekend, but ended up just spending time with Layla. She was doing really good this weekend, but got sick this morning. The hardest part for us right now is the waiting. We have no idea when the cancer is really going to hit her. It could be tonight, it could be next month. Its causing a lot of stress, both because the idea of her passing away breaks our heart, but also because the babies are expected in about a month. It really is the worst timing we could ever have. It wouldn't be easy regardless, but the timing definitely makes it even harder. Our biggest fear is that I will go into labor right at the same time she has another collapse.
Today was my last of the "every-other-week" appointments. I graduated today to weekly appointments. And, I also graduated to weekly ultrasounds starting the week of October 11th. So I'm going to be very busy with appointments from here on out, until the boys are here (and, I guess, even after they are here, considering all the pediatrician visits in our future!).
Both boys were doing good. Their heartbeats were in the 150s-160s, and they were kicking at the dopplar, which was fun. My doctor put my mind at ease about the whole mucus plug incident, saying most likely it was only part of it, and even if it was all of it, it doesn't mean I need to worry. She laughed and asked if I reached in the toilet to get it, to which I had to blush... even though I didn't do that, I definitely thought about it for about 5 minutes. Apparently, I am not the only one, which makes me feel like less of a crazy person.
The only item of concern today was my slightly elevated blood pressure. It wasn't terrible, but it was definitely higher than it has been. I asked if it could be due to our Layla woes (which was hard enough to get out without crying), and she said that most likely it is. I also expressed concern that the boys weren't moving as much the past day or two, and that I was worried my stress was effecting them. She said it is probably more likely that I am just not noticing it as much, or that my being more active is keeping them asleep. She said try not to worry, as if I am already upset and stressed, I don't need to make it any worse.
And for those who are curious, we were able to pick up Layla and bring her home yesterday afternoon. Our vet was great, and really spent the time with us to talk about what happens next. He does not expect her to make it past a month, and most likely, a new rupture could happen within the week. We were giving a medicine to help with blood clotting, and it comes with a red "emergency" pill. They said it may be able to help for a small leak, like she had Tuesday night, but would still be delaying the inevitable. She was in good spirits when we picked her up, but some of it was probably adrenaline. She went to sleep quickly after we got home, and was not quite herself this morning. I know she is feeling bad, which just breaks my heart. Eric and I are just trying to spend as much time with her as possible before its too late, and to spoil her to pieces. We know how much she hates the vet (considering how many surgeries and other visits she has had over her 8 years of life), so we are looking into mobile vets that come to your house. We want her to be in a place she loves when she has to go.
First I want to preface that this is 100% not baby related (at least not in the traditional sense).
As many of you know from my posts over the spring, Eric's and my fur-baby, Layla, had cancer. We found a mass tumor on her spleen that had ruptured. As a result, she had emergency surgery in the spring to remove her spleen, and spent the next 10 weeks receiving chemotherapy.
Over the past few months, she has been doing really well. All of her fur has grown back from the chemo, and her activity has very much improved. But last night, she took a bad turn. At around 10:30PM, she essentially collapsed. We rushed her to the emergency vet, ran several tests, and stayed until almost 2AM, but still didn't have any answers other than her blood pressure was severely low.
This morning, her oncologist ran some additional tests and found that there is now a mass on her liver. It appears like she had a small rupture last night, which caused her to bleed internally and for her blood pressure to drop. We knew the cancer spreading was a possibility since the original mass has ruptured, but we were hoping the chemo would delay the onset.
Right now, she is doing OK. They think the rupture was small enough that it seems to have healed itself, but it is very likely this will happen again. It could be tonight, it could be next month. We decided after the chemo that we could not afford additional treatments, nor do we want to put her through that again. As a result, all we can do right now is spend as much time as possible with her and make her comfortable. Sometime in the near future we will have a very difficult decision to make.
We are picking her up at 3PM today and meeting with the oncologist to let him know what we have decided. Please keep her in your thoughts!
So I wanted to spend today's blog update filling everyone in on my hospital tour this weekend, or my anxiety over family members visiting during delivery, or any other number of things that's been going on as of late, but last night's events changed that, and those posts will just be saved for another time.
What happened, you might ask? Well, I think I may have lost my mucus plug, or at least part of it. I spent most of last night terrified that this was the beginning of the end, and the babies were coming way earlier than expected. Right now, I can say I've calmed down a bit, but not much.
Basically at around 8PM last night, I went to use the restroom. Everything went according to plan, I peed, wiped, stood up and went to flush when I noticed it. While all the toilet paper was floating at the top of bowl, something white or translucent (i.e. no blood as far as I could tell) and about the size of a raspberry was floating down the pot towards where the water flushes out.
My initial immediate reaction was to reach in and grab it to be sure, but I thought better of it (on account of the fact that the bowl was less than clean). So instead, I just stood in the bathroom staring at it for about 5 minutes before giving up and flushing it. Sadly, I have to admit, I just wish I had gone the gross route and picked it up so I would know for sure.
Of course, I immediately went to the WTE forums and posted a question on my home board. I didn't know if I should call the doctor or just wait it out until my next appointment. I have just become so overly worried about these boys coming early that I have panicked. Luckily, I have calmed down today. No bleeding or cramping, so based on what I have read, I believe it may have only been part of my MP, or possibly just some discharge, I'm not sure, but I will be bringing this up at my next appointment on Thursday. That said, ANYONE with experience in this area, please fill me in. Does it sound like MP to you? Should I be worried??
On another note, the countdown for me has begun. To be able to stay out of work until January 3rd, I have to stay in the office until October 11th (which means no birth or bedrest before that date). That's 14 more days. Keep your fingers crossed, I hope I can make it!
Just realized I haven't shared a belly pic in a while, so here you go!
If you haven't noticed before, I "cleverly" hide my face with my cell phone in every shot. I hate that my face is swollen (along with everything else), so anything I can do to disguise it will be done. But do you know what doesn't hide it? Chopping all my hair off! I've spent the past several months growing out my bangs. Its been a tedious process that I am still not 100% sure I of (I reallllly do like and miss my bangs), but admittedly, they made me look young and it was time for a change. They had finally grown out to about my chin, and all of a sudden it seemed like a good idea to make all my hair the same length. I broke the rule... the "you shouldn't make drastic changes to your appearance when pregnant" rule. I see now that there is a reason for said rule. My hair doesn't behave like it did before. It is genuinely different now that I am pregnant, and it lacks the body needed to pull this off.
Funny enough, this isn't the first time I have made a major hair mistake. In college, I had a run in with a box of hair dye that made my hair black as night, and I ended up having to color correct it. Then there was the perm of 2006, where I was convinced to get a wave put into my hair... only my hair reacted poorly (probably because it hadn't fully recovered from the color correction a year or so beforehand), turn into a frizzy, poodle mess, and a lot of the color just drained out. It was a sad, sad day. Of course, I took everything I learned from Legally Blonde, jumped in the shower, and tried to wash the perm away, but that just made it worse. Eric came home from work to find me laying in the bath tub, crying, with a bottle of tine. My hair has never really recovered (I have to straighten it now because the curls stayed, and I have the worst frizz, especially in this wonderful Virginia humidity).
So in comparison, this really isn't so bad. It will grow out soon enough, and for the time being I can enjoy only needing about 5 minutes to dry my hair (which is one of my least favorite things to do, along with cleaning the shower).
Let me tell you, I think the single most annoying thing I have had to do so far is set up my disability claims, which, coincidentally, I did today. I thought it would be a simple "Hey, I'm knocked up, keep me in mind in the future when I need continued payment", but not so much.
In an effort to stay "ahead of the game", I decided to forgo the whole "call 30 days before your due date" rule and just call now. I mean, even though my official due date is 11/21, my scheduled delivery is 11/8, and all my doctors keep telling me the chances of my making it to 11/8 is slim (which really just makes me more anxious... if you can't tell, I really like to have things planned out as much as possible). But try explaining that to a benefits center. It went way over their head.
Then of course, as soon as I get it through to the benefits center what my plan is, I get transferred to the company who covers my short term disability to explain everything I just did to an even more dense person, if that is even possible. The whole process is two hours of my life that I will never get back. But at least its mostly over and done (considering I still have to call both of them once the babies are here).
All these rules just drive me nuts. After more than 5 years of working here, I am covered at 100% pay for 5 months STD, but then that pesky FMLA comes into play, which says regardless of how long I am covered or how much PTO I may have, I can only be out for 12 weeks and expect to have my job waiting for me. I really want to come back in January (for mostly selfish reasons as I want to be out for the holidays), which means I cannot be out of work any earlier than 10/11, which is slightly less than 3 weeks away. I have my fingers tightly crossed that nothing happens to put me out any earlier than that, but it would be my luck if it did. I'm holding on tight to all the stories I have heard about twin mommas lasting until 38-39 weeks. I hope I am that lucky (if that is the right word... because 6 more weeks seems like hell right now), but at the very least, I need to last until 35-36 weeks without delivery or bedrest to keep my original plan.
First off, we had a check up on Friday, which was quick and easy. Both heartbeats sounded great, my blood pressure is awesome (so the mass swelling at least is not preeclampsia related), and we basically just hashed out the results of my glucose test and iron deficiency, which I was already aware of anyway. They also started filling out the forms to schedule my delivery at 38 weeks, so if they do not come early on their own, the boys will be here either on November 8th or 9th (official date and time should be given to me at my next appointment). I'm all registered at the hospital, so that is set, and this weekend, we have our tour.
This morning, we had our monthly ultrasound to check on the boys growth, and they are doing very well indeed. Both of them are weighing in at around 4 lbs 4 oz (which is just a bit larger than the suggested 3.75-3.9 lbs that most babies average at this point, according to BabyCenter.com and WTE.com)... that means I have about 9 lbs of baby in me right now! No wonder I can barely breathe!
As you can imagine based on their weights, they are measuring a little ahead (as they have the whole time)... They have big ol' melons, measuring at around 33w, and their bodies are measuring at a little over 32w. My doctors and the radiologists don't think I am going to make it to 38w, but we will see! I haven't had any complications, so I am hoping to last a bit longer. Then again, I don't know how much more baby my body can handle!!
Lastly, I want to thank my friend Courtney (at When I Least Expected It) for helping me out and passing along her double Snap N Go to me! She has 1 year old twin girls (who are absolutely adorable BTW). It exchanged several hands in its journey to Northern VA, but my hubby picked it up this weekend, and I am so excited to use it! All the twin mommies I have talked to (mostly on the WTE blogs) say the Snap N Go is the way to go, and Courtney was no exception! She raved about how helpful and wonderful this piece of equipment is. I cannot wait to get home and test it out! Thanks again Courtney!!
I'm starting to think I look like a house. I didn't think it was that bad, but when I run into people at work or friends I haven't seen in a few weeks (or even random strangers for that matter), they just get this look on their face and exclaim, "Wow, when are you due?!!", like I couldn't possibly make it another second without my water breaking. Bless Eric, he tries to make me feel better about it, telling me over and over again that I look great and its just because they haven't seen me in a while, but I can't help but think I have trick mirrors at home that have let me believe I look normal.
In other growing news, my feet are still out of control. The swelling just started a couple weeks ago, but it has gotten out of hand. When people see me, they first zero in on my stomach, then move down to the feet and go "Aww, you poor thing!". Yes, my feel look like hams and my ankles may as well be broken, and they are so sore I want to cry, but lets not point it out to the few surrounding people who maybe haven't noticed yet.
This week, my hands decided to join in on the fun too. I already couldn't wear my rings, but now I feel like I have arthritis mixed with carpal tunnel... because they are either painful or tingly and asleep. I don't know what wakes me up more at night now: the lack of blood flow to my hands or my bladder.
Really, I don't mean to whine, because when it comes down to it, I feel pretty good all things considered, but I definitely feel uncomfortable and exhausted. I want to nest, but I have literally zero energy to do so. At this rate, the nursery will never be ready!
Lucky for me, I've decided to have a pampering weekend this Saturday. For my birthday (in March), Eric and my sister gave me a gift certificate to a spa in our area. I tried to get a massage pretty much immediately, but found out I couldn't because, at the time, I was only 5 weeks pregnant, and they do not give massages to anyone in the first trimester (which at the time was news to me). So this weekend will be my prenatal massage, followed by a haircut, and possibly a pedicure. I cannot wait. I love me some pampering!!
I didn't even realize that I hadn't posted about my most recent doctor's appointment, and its been a week! I think its because of the holiday and my inability to focus on ANYTHING. But I digress...
Last Friday, I had my glucose tolerance test (yay, good times... that drink was SICK, and the fact that you have less than 5 minutes to drink it is even less fun...). With the weekend and holiday, I didn't get my results until Wednesday, but I am happy to say I PASSED! Words cannot express how happy I am about this. I really didn't want to have to go back for the 3 hour test. I was worried because, to be honest, I eat a lot of sweets... definitely a lot more than I probably should (especially now that the candy corn is out for sale; I seriously ate a whole bag in one day, I was so disgusted with myself). According to my doctor, you want to be under 130 mg/dl, and my results were 102 mg/dl.
BUT, along with finding out that I did good on the GTT, I found out I have an iron deficiency. I knew it was a possibility, as she mentioned it during the appointment on Friday, but it was made official on Wednesday. Now in addition to my daily prenatal vitamins and extra 2000 IU of Vitamin D, I have to take an iron supplement (called Slow FE). Plus, my doctor said to be prepared and just start taking a stool softener daily, because lets me honest, additional iron can only hurt a pregnant woman's digestive system at this point. So many pills! To make it even better, I swear these pills smell like raw bloody meat. It may just be me and my overactive pregnant nose, but every time I open the bottle, I want to die. It just smells like uncooked ground beef... ick.
On the plus side, the additional iron might help snap me out of the dreary tired funk I have been in for weeks. Apparently, lack of iron can really affect you, and it might explain why I am exhausted literally from the second I wake up in the morning until 8 or 9 o'clock at night (basically all but 2 of my waking hours). I've only been taking it for two days, but I hope to see some improvements soon!
In other news, this weekend will be my last out of town visit for the rest of the pregnancy. I got the OK from my doctor to go to Blacksburg this weekend (with some restrictions and rules to follow, of course), so I can attend at least one of the home VT football games, as well as the shower my mother-in-law is throwing on Sunday. I honestly couldn't tell you which I am more excited for... probably the football game, but that may just be because it happens first :-D.
Annnd to wrap up, here is this week's belly pic! Enjoy!
Total Weight Gained/Loss: Big sad face, between 25-30 lbs. I've really started packing on the poundage!
Maternity Clothes: I don't think I will ever go back to regular pants again :-D
Sleep: At best, 2 hours at a time... between having to pee all the time, and finding a comfortable position, it's been hard.
Best Moment of the Week: Not baby related, but Hokie football season started!! Yes, I know, we lost, but still the tailgating was fun as always and I got to ride in the little golf cart to and from the stadium. No walking for me!
Movement: Still lots of movement... not as many kicks and jabs, but lots of rolling around. Watching my belly has become one of the most entertaining things in the world. Plus, Lane (aka Baby B) constantly has the hiccups, so that's fun too.
Food Craving: None really... always wanting sweets, but really not craving anything particular or weird.
Food aversions: Still eggs (scrambled or fried), and some meats (like brats, which I discovered this weekend).
Morning sickness: None, I've really lucked out here.
Gender: TWO BOYS! Big healthy boys! They have been measuring ahead of schedule this whole time.
Labor Signs: None, thank GOD, I would freak out.
Belly Button: Reached maximum capacity, I definitely have an outtie now.
Stretch Marks: So far, so dodging the bullet *knock on wood*
Wedding rings: Sadly, cannot wear my rings anymore. Previously, I had just been wearing my wedding band, but even that is too tight now. And if I manage to get it on my sausage of a finger, its so tight that is just looks bad. So I've stopped wearing them all together and hope the swelling ends soon.
Exercise: Only if sitting on my butt counts... or trying to clean the house.
What I miss: Alcohol... this is not going to change until I can drink again
What I'm looking forward to: My second baby shower this weekend. I had a shower in Lynchburg a couple weeks ago with my family, and this weekend's shower will be in Blacksburg with Eric's family.
Other NEW news this week: I was hoping to have my Glucose test results for you, but alas, not yet. Looks like I am going to have to call them and find out.
Weekly Wisdom: I think I am too sleepy to have any wisdom.
Favorite item bought this week: My mom bought some adorable "Home from the Hospital" outfits. So exciting!!
I have been pregnant for 200 days, and am starting to really feel it! Granted, I know this number isn't EXACT, since it also includes those two weeks where you aren't actually pregnant, but the tickers say 200, so I'm going with 200.
I am really dragging butt as of late. Walking up and down stairs is a chore for me, and trying to keep our house clean is even harder. My brain function is seriously diminished, so it takes me twice as long to get simple tasks at work done, which makes me feel significantly less efficient. My feet are so swollen that my shoes hurt. Seriously, I don't mean whiny "please rub my feet" pain, but swollen, bruised, hot, itchy pain. My feet look like hams, and my ankles look like they are sprained. My fingers are so swollen that I have officially had to retire my wedding rings. And of course, my venture into Google didn't help, since now all I am worried about is Toxemia (because obviously the swelling isn't just normal pregnancy related swelling but something serious... have I mentioned before I'm a slight hypochondriac?).
What's worse (to me, anyway) is that there was a small part of my that thought my sister (who is about 5 weeks ahead of me in pregnancy) and I actually looked about the same size-wise. Umm, no. My mom took a picture of us this weekend and not even close. I am seriously double her size. I know, I know, there's two in there, believe me I didn't forget, but I actually had been holding onto a small hope that I didn't look like it.
But now I know why people ask me every day if I will be put on bedrest; because I look like I need to be! I think everyone at work is just waiting for me to collapse.
On a happier note, 200 days means only 2 months left in my pregnancy. As I said before, my doctor will not let me go pass 38 weeks, so they are scheduling me for the first week of November if they haven't arrived on their own before then. I'm getting to that point where I am scared of going early. For starters, I would LOVE to avoid any NICU time, obviously, but I have other selfish reasons, namely working out my maternity leave. I get 8 weeks total, so giving birth the first week of November would be perfect to get me through to January before having to come back to work (i.e. off the whole Holiday season, which is a huge plus for me!). I also have saved up several weeks of PTO (paid time off) so I could technically stay out longer. However, if they come early, or if I am put on bedrest and can't work, I only have 12 weeks of job protection under FMLA. So I reallly want to make sure I make it though the month of September without any issues. I can go out as early as October and be OK though until January, but anything before that and it will not work. I know this seems petty, but honestly, Holiday PTO in my place of business is a hot commodity, and its been nice knowing I wouldn't have to fight for days off to visit family since I would be out on leave anyway...
I suppose that is all for now! I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow with the dreaded glucose test. Wish me luck, I don't want to have to do the 3 hour test!! I will also find out if I can make the trip to Blackburg next weekend for my second baby shower (with Eric's family), so keep your fingers crossed for me!! And on that note, I'll leave you with a belly shot from this morning. As you can tell, I look exhausted (thankfully I can cover most of my face with the iPhone)...and my butt is trying to keep up with my stomach. Good times.
I've been pretty lucky during my pregnancy. Really, no issues, and not too much in the way of symptoms. I had some morning sickness for all of 3 weeks during the first trimester, but that's really been it. So apparently, I've been too lucky, because I feel like everything is coming in waves now.
(Disclaimer, none of what I am about to list would I consider to be "serious", just annoying).
It of course started last week with my new found emotional issues, but continued on Friday. Eric and I packed up after work and headed to Lynchburg for my shower weekend (which was awesome, BTW). We walk into my parent's house after the 3 hour drive, only to have my "cankles" pointed out... by my father no less (I would sooner expect something like this to come from my mother). I looked down, and boy was he right. Not only had I lost all definition in my ankles (I'm pretty sure there used to be bones there), but my feet themselves looked like hams. They were so swollen even the pads of my feet were squishy. It was disturbing to say the least, and they haven't gone back to normal. Now the only shoes that fit are flip flops, so I guess I'll be hitting up DSW soon.
The swelling didn't stop there, though. My hands had to join in the fun. My wedding rings are officially stored for the duration of the pregnancy, which I HATE more than words can say. Granted, my fingers were a size 5-5.5 pre-pregnancy, so pretty small. And I am still probably smaller than a 7 right now, but since my hands overall are pretty small, I feel like I have sausages for fingers right now. No fun.
Then the icing on the cake came this morning... I was brushing my teeth in my groggy stupor, when I looked in the mirror to see blood dripping down my face. Yup, first bloody nose... EVER; I was lucky enough to miss out on this fun for the past 28 years. I have never had a bloody nose before. Not in my entire life. I knew it was a common symptom in pregnancy, but I had yet to have to deal with it. How did I react to this? The only way a perfectly sane person could... start screaming and run back into the bedroom to frantically ask Eric how to make it stop (I admit, I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to blood). It stopped pretty quickly, but has gone off and on all day.
So I can only imagine what other annoying new symptoms I can expect to see in the next 10 to less weeks. Good times!!
Literally, I have NO excuse for not blogging. I've just been lazy... tired and lazy... and emotional. This last week has just been weird for me. For starters, I feel like I am back in the first trimester. I am tired ALL.THE.TIME. It never stops. I'm too lazy to do anything but come home from work and sit on my butt watching Veronica Mars on Netflix streaming. Its a sad, sad tale.
But that isn't all that's changed in me since hitting trimester numero tres. Bring on the emotional roller coaster!! Now, I know it was bound to happen eventually, because I've been pretty sane up until now. But the high has died and I have become a ticking time bomb. Case in point, on Tuesday this week, I was flying pretty high. I was excited for my baby shower this weekend, and had gotten presents from three people that day (two at work, one in the mail) from people who weren't going to be able to make it. I felt loved and on top of the world. Thhhennn, I get a message from a friend who was planning to come to my shower from NC saying she would no longer be able to make it... I went from being really happy, to convincing myself I had no friends in the world. I cried for 45 minutes that night, and for almost the whole next day, I would randomly burst into tears for no reason at all. It was ridiculous. And embarrassing.
Now, let me just say, I know I have friends. I am lucky to have as many friends as I do. BUT, the hardest thing for me is that they are all so spread out. Most of my close friends I met in college (as is pretty normal). Once we all graduated, it seemed like we all spread around the country, so I don't get to see them very often. My shower this weekend is in Lynchburg, my hometown, which is several hours away from most of my friends.
Prior to Tuesday, I had exactly two friends who were going to be able to make it; one from Richmond (who I see the most often) and one from NC. I totally understood why people couldn't make the trip, as for many of them, Lynchburg is several hours away, so I really wasn't trying to be upset. But the update that my friend from NC could no longer come just sent me over the edge.
Ever since, I have just felt on edge. Like I said, all Wednesday, I would just be sitting at my desk, and would randomly start crying. No trigger or anything, just tears a-pouring. I hate feeling like this!!!! I want to go back to being happy all the time and excited about what's to come! Ugh, I really hope this phases passes... and quickly!
I am still really excited for this weekend, so I am trying to focus on that. I'll miss all my friends, but I'll be able to see my family and family friends. And in two weeks will hopefully be my Blacksburg shower with Eric's family (I say hopefully because the doctor does not want me to travel, and they said we would discuss at my next appoint, which is next Friday... fingers crossed!). I have so much to be happy about, so I really need to work myself out of this funk!!
On another note, enjoy this week's belly shot! Based on this week's ultrasound, both boys are measuring ahead by a little less than a week (as has been the norm for most of the pregnancy), and both weigh about 2.7 lbs. That's almost 5 1/2 lbs of baby! No wonder I am having a hard time breathing, and its only going to get worse! I'd share some u/s pics, but I had the world's worse technician and literally got nothing good to show! Oh well, the important part is that they are OK.
Sorry!! I know I said that I would post last night but we ended up getting back late, so I put it off until today. As you know, we had our 3D/4D ultrasound yesterday. It was a lot of fun! For starters, the room was the most comfortable place in the world. Eric is always complaining about where we go for our monthly ultrasounds because its cold in the room, and small, but this room was the perfect temp with a nice sofa for Eric and a WONDERFUL bed for me. I was really comfortable. And the girl performing the u/s, who I also believe owns the business, was sweet as can be.
Both babies are transverse right now, one on top of the other, both heads to my right, both butts to my left, and legs all over the place.
Unfortunately, Baby B didn't want to participate in the fun, so we literally got no pictures of him (unless you count random shots of his legs/hands in the Baby A shots). He spent the whole time facing my back. I was pretty disappointed, but she did say we could pay a small fee and come back again if we wanted to try to capture Baby B. I'm working on convincing Eric now :)
We did however get LOTS of good Baby A shots. He's so cute, and in my opinion, the single most handsome little man in the world! So here are some of my favorite shots! Enjoy!!
Lucas (aka Baby A) sucking on his cord (silly boy)
Lucas kneeing himself in the face
My FAVORITE SHOT - He has the cutest nose and lips. LOVE HIM!
Lucas trying to block his face with his hand (and that is Lane's, aka Baby B's, leg to the right)
Yup, I'm pretty stoked. Just booked my 3D/4D ultrasound, and they were able to get us in this THURSDAY. Much faster than I had anticipated. My parents offered to pay for this as a gift to us, but I didn't realize how excited I was until the appointment was booked. Can't wait to see what our boys look like, be on the look out for a post Thursday evening!!
I have really enjoyed the increased fetal movement these past few weeks, but this weekend was just weird... AWESOME, but weird.
For starters, I don't think they ever stopped moving; morning, noon, and night. They were all over the place, and strong, sometimes even hurting a little. But the peak for me was last night, sitting on the sofa, when my belly started moving. Not just the little pops that make the remote I'm balancing jump up and down, but random body parts starting in one area and moving... big lumps just moving all over the place. It was so weird and mesmerizing to watch. Eric and I could do nothing but laugh!
I know, I know, I've been a terrible blogger. What can I say, work has really gotten into the way of my blogging life. :-D
I had my monthly OB appointment this week, on Wednesday 8/11, which also happened to be Eric and my 3 year wedding anniversary. I can't believe its been 3 years, but even more so, I can't believe we have been together for the better part of a decade. Time flies... ANYWAY, the appointment was good. I am measuring a month a head of schedule, compared to a singleton pregnancy, and will be likely put on some restrictions in the next 3 weeks (aka, when September begins). One of those restrictions will definitely be travel...
I have to admit, while I did expect this, it didn't stop me from being bummed out. For starters, my MIL was planning a shower for Eric and me in Blacksburg on 9/12, since we were planning to be there for the football game. I asked the doctor if it would be OK for me to at least go to that, and he definitely wanted to say no, but he said we would see how the next ultrasound looked. I know missing a shower isn't the end of the world, but its still sad. In addition, a close family friend of ours was going to plan a luncheon for my sister (who is also preggo, due in October) and I on 9/19, but it looks like that will turn into a "Welcome Babies" party later this year. The biggest hit to me was that I would likely be missing most, if not all, of this season's Hokie games. I know, I know, what's the big deal, right? Except VT football season is my favorite part of the year. I didn't expect to go to all of the games, but to find out that I likely will miss them all was sad, especially considering our season tickets showed up last week too. But oh well, I'll get over it!!
The doctor also said they are about 95% sure I'll be getting a c-section. Right now, both babies are breech, and I still have marginal placenta previa... both of these things could correct themselves, but they seemed to think its unlikely both will. So we are scheduling the c-section for the first week of November, unless they come early... I hope I can bake them that long!
I'm really excited about all the deliveries I have gotten this week! First, my uncle ordered and shipped the two high chairs we registered for. I didn't expect anyone to buy these, but I was so excited for them to come! Then yesterday, our crib mattresses came, and today, the bedding should be arriving (yes, I actually broke down and picked out some bedding, shocking, I know!!). We decided to go with the Kasey bedding from Pottery Barn because it was simple with all the colors we liked. This weekend, Eric and our close friend Brad are going to work on switching the furniture in our guestroom with the nursery so that the nursery has more space, and then I can start setting everything up! I cannot wait!!!
So that is pretty much everything going on with me. As it goes now, even though I am 26 weeks, I have about 2.5 months left in this pregnancy if they make it to my scheduled c-section (fingers crossed). I can't believe how fast it is going!! I'll leave you all with this week's belly shot, which is actually from Tuesday at 25w2d, but like I said, I'm a bit behind! Have a good weekend everyone!!
FINALLY... I think we have picked out bedding (I know, this is a tired subject!). I've looked at hundreds of sets and haven't fell in love with any of them. Then I decided to check out Pottery Barn Kids, and found this bedding set:
Its simple, very basic... and Eric LOVES it. I can actually see this in our nursery. My only concern is that our furniture is very dark, and this bedding looks amazing in the all white nursery. The set includes the bumper, crib sheet, and skirt, so we would probably hold off on the quilt for a while.
There is another set I like as well, but the set includes the quilt, sheet, and bumper (no skirt).
I'm going to try and stop by a Pottery Barn Kids tomorrow and check them out before saying 100% that this is the bedding for us. I may even mix and match pieces from both sets. We'll see. So, what do you guys think?
On a side note, my employer has upgraded the firewall and, unfortunately, Blogger is now blocked at worked. I typically blog on my lunch breaks, so now I am going to have to remember to blog once I get home. I just wanted to let you all know in case you see my post rate diminishing.
How Far Along: 25 weeks.... (24w1d by LMP, measuring 24w6d)
Total Weight Gained/Loss: ~15-17 lbs, depending on the day
Maternity Clothes: I don't think I will ever go back to regular pants again :-D
Sleep: At best, 2 hours at a time... between having to pee all the time, and finding a comfortable position, it's been hard.
Best Moment of the Week: Eric FINALLY was able to feel some kicks! I loved seeing the look on his face.
Movement: Oh yeah, there is an octopus in there... the funny thing is, I wish I could feel them even more. I hate when they stop!
Food Craving: Still big on the watermelon, and ice cream. I had a major craving for donuts last week, but after eating 4, I never want to see a donut again. All my cravings have been sweets or fruit.
Food aversions: Still eggs (scrambled or fried), although I did eat an omelet at the beach, but it was LOADED with cheese. I'm getting better with chicken but it still isn't my favorite.
Morning sickness: I had one random spell of throwing up while at the beach in July. I have no idea what caused it and it was over before I knew it, but its the only M/S I have had since the first trimester.
Gender: TWO BOYS! Big healthy boys!
Labor Signs: None, thank GOD, I would freak out.
Belly Button: Reaching maximum capacity. Some days, its totally stretched out, some days not so much, but no outtie yet.
Stretch Marks: So far, so dodging the bullet *knock on wood*
Wedding rings: Rough... I had to give up on wearing my diamond, but my wedding ring itself is also getting tight, especially with the heat. My fingers are not a size 5.5 anymore, I guess!
Exercise: Only if sitting on my butt counts... or trying to clean the house.
What I miss: Alcohol...
What I'm looking forward to: Besides meeting the boys, right now I am super excited to switch the guest bedroom with the nursery. We decided we needed more space for the nursery, so my parents are coming up the first weekend of Sept and we are gonna switch the rooms. The guestroom will be tight, but oh well!!
Other NEW news this week: Nothing really...
Weekly Wisdom: I think I am too sleepy to have any wisdom.
Favorite item bought this week: Nothing bought, but I have added some fun things to my registry... I found it is 100% more fun to do online than in the store.
And of course, this week's bump shot, from this morning!
I've reached that coveted blogger milestone: the 100the post! I can't help but think back to my first post ever, in January of this year. Hubby and I had been TTC our first for over a year now and had just met with the RE to discuss our options. We were starting our first cycle with monitoring, which didn't end up working out for us, but I remember being both excited about trying something new, as well as disgruntled about having to go though IF treatments in the first place. I decided to start the blog to help share information I learned during our journey to making a baby, and it has since turned into the place I share my pregnancy. I'm very happy with where this trip has taken us (even if it took longer than I had hoped), and I love all the friends I have made along the way!!!
And to go along with this 100th post is the fact that I now only have 100 (or less) days left in my pregnancy... well, technically, I have 114 days left, but since my OB does not let twin pregnancies go past 38 weeks, I knocked off 14 days :-P. Either way, that's just a little over 3 months.
I can't believe how fast this has gone. I feel like I have had a relatively easy pregnancy, especially compared to some horror stories I have heard. I really was only sick with MS for a couple weeks early on, but that passed pretty quickly. Other than that, its mostly just been the exhaustion, but I have zero problem being lazy after work or going to bed early, cause I LOVE to sleep.
But even though my pregnancy has been pretty simple, I cannot wait for these last 100 days to fly by. With the heat this spring/summer (which is not helped by the fact my A/C broke this week and has yet to be fixed... it makes sleeping just wonderful), I have been a bit uncomfortable. I definitely think women who are pregnant in the winter have it much easier (although, last winter, we had a couple instances of 3+ foot snow storms that I can imagine made getting to a hospital for delivery pretty difficult, so maybe summer isn't so bad afterall...).
Ok, so I know I have posted on here a bazillion times about nursery bedding and decor, and I am sure its beyond tiresome at this point to hear, but I need some opinions.
So if you have been reading the blog for the past couple months, you know I have been REALLY picky. I really wanted to use bold blue/teal and green with some brown, but I could never find bedding I liked. I wanted to avoid cheesy characters and just go with something simple. Still no luck. So I made the decision to just order/register for individual pieces that I like and sort of build my own bedding.
Well, today, I went onto BRU to update some items on our registry and see this new bedding set, and I can't help it, I think it is so cute! I'm not planning to use the quilt, but I really like the sheet/bumper/crib skirt combo, and the fact that I can turn the quilt into a cute playset. So I need to know what everyone thinks, since this is going almost 100% away from my original plan. Is it too dorky for my boys or is a safari-type theme OK?
I am always so shocked at the things people come up with that are so totally useless or already basically made in a less attractive package, yet they can charge out the butt for it and people will buy it... I feel this way about 90% of the As Seen on TV market. And today, a new product was brought to my attention, to which I can't help but think "WTH?"
Seriously, they charge $100 for this "simulated womb" when I can buy basically the same bucket from our supplier at work for $10. It doesn't do anything special, its just a bucket of water on a bright plastic pedestal.
And I am less than comfortable with the idea of holding my baby by his head while trying to bathe him. It just doesn't look right (really, check out the video)... yet this is actually a really popular product in Europe.
And I'm sorry, but this also reminds me of a certain warning label seen on most plastic buckets...
I'm just saying.... am I missing something here???
So as I mentioned yesterday, I had my monthly ultrasound yesterday. I didn't get nearly as many pictures as normal, but that's OK. The technician said she was just having a hard time getting pictures, but I think she was just having a hard time with life, IMHO. But I digress, the boys are fine and healthy and right on track, so that's all that matters.
There's still all sorts of mix up with my EDD... according to my OB, its 11/21, which is based off my LMP, but for some reason, the place I go for my ultrasounds now has me as being due 11/16. I think it has something to do with the first ultrasound I had there, where both boys measured early, so they just changed it, but it can get confusing, when according to my OB, yesterday was 23w1d for me, but the scans say 23w6d. Whatevs, like the OB said, I probably won't make it to either date so no point worrying over it.
They are still measuring a little ahead of schedule, but nothing too drastic, just a couple days. Both heartbeats were 150, which is great because I was a little nervous a couple weeks ago when one was down to 120... I know that's still in the normal range but it just seemed so low. They also both weighed 1 lb 6 oz, so thats 3 big ol' pounds of baby in me right now (feels like so much more...).
Baby A, who was have decided to name Lucas (barring any changes), was originally head down, but as the scan progressed, he flipped around and was breech again. We got a really cute picture of him yawning or smiling or doing something adorable. Check it out below.
Baby B, who will be Lane (again, barring any changes), was being shy. He kept his hands in from of his face most of the time so the technician could not get a picture. Luckily but the time the radiologist came to check them out, he stopped, so we got a nice profile pic of him, balancing on his head chewing away at something, SO CUTE to see his little mouth go. He's laying pretty much sideways on top of Lucas now.
The only potential problem is my low lying placenta. I was hoping it would have moved by now but its still in the same place. It isn't quite covering or touching my cervix, but the tip is right beside it, and it is seeming more and more likely that I will have to have a c-section because of it. I'm really not sure how I feel about this yet. The OB said that alot of time, with twins, they will let the mom pick what they prefer (vaginal or c-sec, barring a reason for the c-sec like placenta previa or breech baby), and many times, they opt for the c-sec to reduce the stress of birth to the second baby. I was pretty open to whatever was best, but I have to admit, I'm a little scared of the surgery and recovery, and a little sad that I might have to miss out on the birth of my babies, but whatever needs to be done I am sure is the best... and who knows, maybe I still have time for the placenta to move. We'll see...
So like I said, not too many pics, just three, but enjoy our boys!!
I know, I know, I'm sorry, I've been sans-blogging for well over a week now. I meant to post something before I left, but I've been enjoying a little vacation this past week, and just got back into town last night.
Every year, my family goes to Holden Beach, NC, which is probably one of my favorite places to be. My family has been going for more than 30 years... my first trip was at the ripe age of 4 months, 28 years ago. This was probably the first year in almost 10 years that I couldn't drink at the beach (insert my saddest face here... I missed some margaritas!!), but it really wasn't that bad, and hubby came in with Amber O'Douls in the clutch for when I was craving the taste of beer.
My week consisted of a whole lotta laying around on the beach, reading, napping, and just relaxing. I was pretty much terrified of the ocean, which is new to me, because I was so worried about hurting the babies. The wind was really bad most of the week, so the waves were rough, and I just couldn't get out past the breakers to what I considered a safe distance, so instead, I spent a lot of time in the surf to cool off. Overall, the vacation was very needed. I swear, I wish I lived at the beach, but I am guessing the novelty wears off when you are too close.
Our close friends in Richmond watched Layla for us. I don't know how I am EVER going to be able to leave the boys for an extended period of time. I know its the hormones but I was tearing up leaving her last Saturday, and the whole car ride to the Ric this weekend, all I could say was "I can't wait to see Layla". She was SO happy to see us, and she's been back by my side ever since.
We spent the night in the Ric on Saturday just hanging with our friends, and made it back to DC about 5 minutes before it started pouring down rain (thank God, because the luggage was on the top of the car).
This morning, I had an ultrasound... I'm gonna forgo discussion for now. Everything is good, but I haven't had a chance to get the pictures online. So I'll do that tonight and be sure to post. Instead, I'll leave you with a bump shot... its from today, at 23w1d (although both boys are still measuring big, at 23w6d). I'm definitely starting to feel like a fatty, but I am at least embracing it more!
OK, I know I have already posted today, and I've already posted about Eric reading The Expectant Father, but today's conversation just makes me laugh, and I had to share.
Eric and I usually have Skype open while we are at work... not so much as a distraction from work, but to make it easier if we have to tell the other something... it keeps us from sending emails or making phone calls whenever something pops in our heads, which happens alot (especially for me). Anyway, when I got to work after my appointment today, he sent me a message just asking how it went. I told him everything, very basic conversation, and then out of the blue he asks "Are you eating enough protein?". What? Where did that come from... so I say "Yeah, I think so, I mean the doctor didn't say I was doing anything wrong or not getting enough of something". Well, then I got these messages:
Eric: here is what the book says :)
Eric: avg. woman needs 45 grams a day
Eric: you need 75 to 100 for one baby
Eric: +20-25 with twins
Eric: so you need around 100 to 120 a day
Eric: are you getting that much?
I have no idea! I don't count everything (though maybe I should). Still, I just laughed. It was so funny to me. He loves getting this information, and I think it is so funny when he asks me something about it. So now I am getting updates on foods with protein and being told to make "meat and potatoes" for dinner more often.
I can't wait for him to get to the actual parts about the birth... that should be nice and entertaining... :)
Yup, today was my monthly OB appointment. I admittedly don't love these as much as my monthly ultrasounds, but I do still love listening to the boys' heartbeats. They are doing great. Baby A had a heartbeat of around 150 (doc said he would be a hyper/active one) and Baby B was around 120 (much more laid back). I was worried Baby B's was too low, but the doctor was not concerned at all. He also put to rest all my worries about if I was gaining enough weight, if my low-lying placenta will play a big role, and why the crap I am having such a hard time breathing (which is apparently because they are big boys taking up all the space in my diaphram).
I had never seen this doctor before. While I like the idea of seeing the same doctor each time, my practice prefers you to see everyone at least once, because they cannot guarantee who will be there to deliver you, and they want you to feel comfortable with everyone. I have met 4 so far, and have 2 left. After I meet the next two, I apparently need to decide who I want my official doctor for the duration of the pregnancy. Its going to be a tough choice, because I really do like them all. But we will see! I think my next appointment in August is my last "monthly" once, and I'll start going every two weeks. Its so crazy to think how fast this is going. They will be here before I know it....
And I know I am a little late, but here is my bump shot from this past Tuesday (21w2d)... Eric's been working on organizing the mail, can you tell? (yup, that's sarcasm).
Since I am basically spending every 30 minutes in the bathroom right now (thanks, boys, for playing soccer with my bladder, BTW), I've had alot of time to reflect on Eric and my TTC journey. Granted, the TTC journey has ended (at least for this current moment), but I can't help thinking back to this time last year and what I was thinking then.... Next week, we will be vacationing at Holden Beach, NC, which has been my family's vacation spot for the past 30 years (my first trip was 28 years ago at the ripe age of 4 months). Last year, we were lucky enough to go twice... our regular July family trip, and an extra trip in June for my sister's wedding. This upcoming vacation is probably what has sparked my reflections, since I can remember everything going through my head during both vacations.
For those who do not know much about how our TTC journey started, it's pretty simple. Eric and I decided to start out as one of those couples who "just let things happened". We pulled the goalie, stopped all birth control, and readied ourselves for this life changing event that we were sure would only take a couple months to happen. Boy were we wrong. That was January 2009... skip forward to June, and not only are we not pregnant, but my body has essentially shut down. No ovulation, no period, no nothing. I remember "relaxing" at the beach thinking, "What the hell?", and resolving to call the doctor once we got home. Which I did... I remember it exactly. Monday, June 15th, I call my doctor and set up an appointment for that week, and 10 minutes later, here comes Aunt Flo. After 5 months. Thanks.
So of course, my doctor thought I was crazy for coming in... basically she made me feel like all was good because my period was back and we were set to really get going. That's when Eric and I made the jump from being a couple who wasn't preventing (which I know now doesn't really exist, we just say that to make ourselves feel better) to a couple actively trying to make a baby. And I was elated. I remember spending our July trip thinking about how this time next year, we'd definitely have a little bundle of joy to share our vacation with, and about how different the trip would be.
Boy was I so wrong. Not only did that not work, but it continued to not work for another 8 months before we finally got pregnant (as you all know, through the magic of injectables and IUI).
I'm not sad about this at all. I know we got pregnant when we were supposed to... we had trouble, and we struggled, and I cried ALOT, but really, this was our time, and these are our babies. Do I still wish it had happened faster? Sure. I wish I was vacation with my little family this year. I wish I hadn't had to use all those fertility meds over the last 6+ months of TTC, and I wish they hadn't made me gain 15 lbs. But I am happy with my thoughts of next year.... of my little 9 month old boys (give or take on the age, of course), sitting and playing in the sand in their terribly adorable little bathing suits. I cannot wait. Its going to be a new adventure for us, and I am ready.
It just shows you how easily things can change. I'm happy to finally be at the point where I can reflect back on my journey and not be sad about it. It has brought us here, and this is exactly where we are meant to be.
Disclaimer: I still find infertility to be a nasty, unfair bitch. Just wanted to make sure there wasn't any confusion.
Words cannot describe how much I HATED registering for the babies. Eric and I decided to start this weekend (probably bad idea number 1, since it was crowded), and after 2 hours, we were only a third of the way through the store and totally frustrated with each other and the whole process.
I didn't expect this at all. I mean, I have looked into baby gear since well before I was pregnant, and I thought I was prepared, but I was far from it. It was nothing like the wedding registry process. Then, we had so much fun with that, running all over the store scanning to our hearts desire, including things we knew we didn't need, but wanted anyway.
Now all of a sudden, our natural high was ruined by not knowing what kind of bottles or pacifiers to buy, or the fact that it seemed like every isle we went on, we were followed by three to five other couples who had to look at the exact same thing at that exact same moment (without saying "Excuse me", no less... I hate people here so much sometimes).
I don't know how people do it. By the time we decided to give up, we were both hungry, and tired, and just deflated by the whole experience. We decided to either come back on another day, or just try adding the rest online. We definitely needed to just get away from the whole scene and recoup.
On the plus side, we did get a $25 gift card for setting up a new registry, so that was nice. Silver lining I suppose.
So to all the vets out there, any recommendations for items to have and items to avoid?? Any help is appreciated!!
I've been feeling movement for about two weeks now, but its on a whole new level now. Thursday afternoon, I had just gotten home from work and settled up on the sofa for a little bit, when I got the best surprise ever: A real, solid KICK (or punch, I can't really tell, especially since there are eight limbs in there). I had my hand right on the spot where the kick occurred and totally felt it. It was AWESOME. At first, I thought it was in my head, but a few seconds later is happened again. Then, after those two nice solid punches to my insides, this lump started to form, to the left and slightly above my belly button. I could gently push on it and feel it was firm, like one of them was pushing back. I'm not entirely sure what it was, be is foot or hand or head, but it was there and so funny to me.
I just laid there is hysterics, laughing because I was beside myself, but totally disappointed that Eric wasn't home from work to experience it. Nothing else happened for the rest of the night, but ever since then, there have been several times during the day (or night) where I definitely feel them... not just the flutters and rolls of them moving that has been present for the past two weeks, but real active kicking and/or punching. I think I may be overcompensating the ability to feel it from the outside, since I am feeling it so much inside, because Eric still hasn't been able to feel it yet (even on Saturday night as we lay in bed, and I had three solid kicks), but hopefully it will happen soon!
(note, you are probably going to see several posts out of me today, but that is because I have lots I want to blog about and don't want to make a single post too long... even though I tend to do that anyway... just wanted to let you know)
Hi everyone! Hope you all had a great weekend. Mine was good, full of lots of exciting moments I can't wait to post about, but I'm going to TRY and go in order of events, since it has been a few days since my last post.
I have to start by saying that I have wanted Eric to pick up a baby book and get a little invested for the past 5 months. Don't get me wrong, he is doing great! He comes to all my ultrasound appointments, which have been several, he came to my first OB appointment, and he always like to get the weekly check up on how the babies are doing via the What to Expect app on my iPhone. He is wonderful. But still, I wanted him to know more "behind the scenes" so to speak, like why I am a crying psychopath, or that all the symptoms I have are pregnancy related and NORMAL. I would have been satisfied with him just reading the Daddy pages of WTE, but, lucky me, I got even more.
A couple weeks ago, we were visiting his family, and his sister (who had a child 2 years ago) gave him a copy of The Expectant Father. And he actually showed interest in reading it. I was overjoyed... until I realized maybe there is info in there he doesn't need.
Flash back to when we first found out I was pregnant, he was ready to tell the world at 4-5 weeks. I had to talk him down with statements about potential miscarriages or other issues, and he ended up doing a total 180, and became overly scared to even mention the "P" word. Same thing is happening here now, complete overkill. Too much information. He came home from work the day he started reading the book (he rides the Metro to work, so that is his reading time) and started asking a million questions, from insurance questions to questions regarding my OB's ability to properly deliver twins. And, of course, it doesn't help that the book throws out some general delivery cost estimates, which is enough to get any man terrified.
My automatic reaction is to just laugh a little, especially since most people start reading these books earlier on, and we are already more than halfway through this pregnancy. But I am still really happy and excited he is taking this extra interest. I can't wait to hear what other things he reads in there (I probably should pick up the book myself and get a head start so I know what to expect).
My husband and I started trying to conceive in January 2009, and after about 8 months, we realized we needed some help. With did a few minor infertility treatments with an OB before moving onto an RE in January 2010. We were lucky (if thats the right word after 15 months TTC) enough to get pregnant on our first round of injectables with IUI. Now we are expecting twins in November! This is our journey to becoming parents...
January 2009 - Which is also the same month we decided to start TTC
Our TTC Journey
Oct 2010 - Our boys, Lane Carter and Lucas Marks, are born 10/7/2010 at 33w4d via emergency c-section after a car accident. Sadly, Lucas passed away on 10/14/2010 due to injuries sustained from the accident. Mommy loves you, Angel...
Jun 2010 - We're having twin BOYS!
Apr 2010 - Ultrasound at 6w2d show two healthy babies! We're having TWINS!
Mar 2010 - IUI#1 on CD16 (3/1). BFP at 11DPO (3/12)!! Beta results 77 at 3w4d (3/12). Second beta results 1489 at 4w4w (3/19).
Feb 2010 - Provera 2/3-2/12. Metformin starting 2/9. AF on 2/14. Clomid 100mg CD3-7 (2/16-2/20) and Follistim (FSH) injections (50IU) on CD7-9 (2/20-2/22) and CD12-13(2/25-2/26). Monitoring on CD10-CD14. Follicle(s) ready on CD14, hCG trigger the evening of CD14 (2/27).
Jan 2010 - AF on 1/14. Baseline u/s on CD3 is good (no cysts or PCOS). Clomid 150 mg CD 5-9. HSG on CD 7 is good (no blockages). Follow up u/s on CD 12, 15, 18, and 21 shows lead follicle at only 11mm. No progress, RE decided to move onto next cycle, and induce AF with Provera.
Dec 2009 - BFN and AF on 12/6. Decide not to take third round of Clomid this cycle, and plan to meet with RE in January 2010.
Nov 2009 - Clomid 100 mg CD 3-7. CD21 Progesterone test shows no O. Thermal shift on CD 26 confirms late O.
Oct 2009 - CD21 Progesterone test shows no O. Thermal shift on CD 29 confirms late O. BFN and AF on 10/26.
Sep 2009 - Provera to induce AF on 9/15, Clomid 50 mg CD 3-7
Aug 2009 - AF on 8/5; Doctor orders tests (u/s, BW, SA - all normal)
Jul 2009 - No AF, BFN
Jun 2009 - AF 6/15, meet with OBGYN
May 2009 - No AF, BFN
Apr 2009 - No AF, BFN
Mar 2009 - No AF, BFN
Feb 2009 - AF on 2/15
Jan 2009 - Decide to start TTC; Stopped Birth Control
2ww or TWW: two week wait (luteal phase, 14 days after ovulation)
AF: Aunt Flo (menstruation, period)
BBT: basal body temperature
BD: baby dance (sex)
BFN: big fat negative (pregnancy test result)
BFP: big fat positive (pregnancy test result)
CD: cycle day
CL: corpus luteum
CM: cervical mucus
CP: cervical position
DPO: days past ovulation
EDD: estimated due date
EWCM: egg-white cervical mucus
hCG: human chorionic gonadotropin
HPT: home pregnancy test
HSG: hysterosalpingogram (X-ray test)
IUI: intrauterine insemination
IVF: in vitro fertilization
LH: luteinizing hormone (detected in ovulation predictor kits)
LP: luteal phase, days between OV and AF
OPK: ovulation predictor kit
PG: pregnancy, pregnant
POAS: pee on a stick (home pregnancy test)
RE: reproductive endocrinologist
SA: semen analysis
TTC: trying to conceive