Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Catching Up...

I can't believe its been almost two months since my accident, and since the delivery of my sweet baby boys.  So much has happened since then.  I, of course, have tons to share, but have been so busy that I haven't really had the time.  I'll try to catch everyone up now and will try to be better in blogging now that that's have started to calm down a bit.

As you all know, I had a very serious accident in early October at 33w4d pregnant.  As a result, I had an emergency c-section for the delivery of my twin boys, Lucas and Lane.  Sadly, Lucas did not make it, due to severe brain damage that had him in a coma since his birth.  We took him off life support at 7 days old.  It was probably the hardest thing I ever had to go through.  I never knew loss or grief like that, and I still haven't dealt with it 100%.  I'm not sure I ever will, but I know that my feelings on the subject are best saved for a post of its own, especially in the event anyone else out there experiences something similar.  We were fortunate enough to have the group "Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep" present to capture photographs of Eric and me with Lucas, which we will cherish forever.  We haven't brought ourselves to look at them yet, but we were sent the disk. Its something my husband and I will do together when we are both ready.

On a happier note, Lane is doing wonderfully.  He spent about a month in the NICU.  While his overall growth was great, his lungs were (and still are) very immature, which caused him to have several "spells" of desats while in the hospital (in other words, he would stop/slow his breathing so much that his oxygen levels would significantly drop).  As a result, he was sent home on an apnea monitor when he left.  The monitor, in itself, was a trial and an experience.  The entire first day it would alarm non-stop, but never due to an apnea issue.  All the alarms were due to the leads falling off.  Luckily, the in-home nurse who came to check on him gave us some tape that solved the issue.  He now only needs to wear the monitor when he sleeps at night or if we are not in the room with him, and he will likely be off the monitor next week.  The funny thing is I am scared to take him off.  Its been annoying to deal with but its always been a safety feature to know he is breathing!!

In other Lane news, he is growing wonderfully.  He weighed 4 lbs 8 oz when born, and now weighs 7 lbs 15 oz (at 8 weeks old).  He completely cracks me up.  He is such a happy baby, except after meals, as he has some reflux issues.  As a result, he is now on Zantac twice a day.  Its helping some, but he is still uncomfortable after each meal, and spits up all the time.  Its a work in progress to find the right medication for him.

Now, on to me.  I had a laundry list of issues as a result of the accident, including several broken bones (pelvis, left collar bone and shoulder, several ribs and vertebra, and tailbone) and what is called a mild TBI, or traumatic brain injury, a.k.a. brain bleed.  The TBI is actually why I blacked out after the accident and can't remember several things, including my first days in the hospital.  After spending a few days in the trauma ICU, I was moved to the surgery tower.  I had surgery on my pelvic bone and now have two huge screws holding it together.  After a week, I was transferred to another hospital, away from my baby, to a rehab specific hospital, where I spent several hours a day learning to walk and other skills.  When I left after two weeks, I could walk with a walker, as I could not put weights on my left side, and I had a wheelchair for longer distances (for instance, visiting Lane in the NICU, since he was there for about a week after I was released). Now I can put weight on my left side, but I still am using the walker.  I started outpatient PT today and will hopefully be moving to a cane in the next week or so.

I've had a lot of help since my accident.  My husband was out of work on leave to help, and I wouldn't be able to make it without him.  I know how stressful it must have been for him, but he really did everything in the world for me, including turning our dining room into a little bedroom for Lane and me since I can't get upstairs.  My mom has also been a huge help.  She lives out of town, but has spent a lot of time with us, and she will be coming next week since Eric will be going back to work.  I'm out of work on disability until March, and may even stay out after it ends, to be with Lane. 

Like I said, a lot has been going on in the past two months, but I felt like I couldn't start back my blogging until I caught everyone up.  Even with everything that happened, I do feel blessed.  I am lucky to be alive, especially when I see pictures of my car!  I'm lucky to have a happy and healthy son, even if it wasn't exactly what I planned and prepared for.  I'm lucky for my husband, my family, and my friends.  So many people have reached out to us, with food, and maid services, and many other things.  I didn't know so many people cared, but I truly feel blessed.  It doesn't mean I don't have pity parties, because I do, but they pass and have becoming fewer and farther between.

So that is everything... and I'm going to work to keep up with blogging from here on out.  I want to share everything I think and feel, because hearing from others who went though something similar has been helpful for me, and I want to be helpful to others.  I have so many thoughts on grief and loss, and struggles, and blessings, but I also want to document Lane's life and growth. 

Talk to you all soon!  (and hopefully my futures posts won't be so long!!)


  1. So good to hear from you. Been thinking of you and your family daily. Hope you continue in your recovery process. Hope to see pics of your darling Lane!

  2. WOW, glad that you are doing better! I just found your blog and saw the picture of your sisters wedding- my family had a house at Ocean Isle, right up the road :) small world!!
    I hope you and baby continue to increase your health :)

  3. Thank you for updating your blog. Although I don't know you, I think of you and your family often. I am glad to hear that you and Lane are both doing well. When he gets off the apnea monitor you can use a movement sensor in his bassinet or crib. We have one for our daughter and it helps me to sleep without worrying about her. This is the one we have

  4. Thanks for the update, I also think of you and your family daily...
    I was also going to suggest the movement sensor, my daughter had some "spells" as well, it is very scary. We had the Angel Care Monitor and it helped me sleep.
    Looking forward to your updates, on yourself and Lane!

  5. Glad to hear you are doing better. I've been checking your site every day since your last post for an update. The reflux for Lane could be due to a milk allergy. Just something to ask the pediatrician about. Enjoy your time with your little man!

  6. I found myself here when someone mentioned your blog on WTE. I couldn't imagine what you've gone through, but have been keeping you in my thoughts as you and your family healed. Wishing you continual health and peace as you move through joy and grief.

  7. Lindsay, its so good to see you back blogging!!!! I am so glad to hear that you and Lane are progressing well. I will continue to pray for both of you to have a speedy recovery. Can't wait to see some pics of your little guy!

  8. Lindsay - I have thought of you so very often since your first post after the accident. I was devastated by your news and walked around in shock for several days. It's funny how most of us don't even know each other IRL but we feel as though we do b/c we bare our most intimate thoughts, feelings, etc. I truly felt as though this happened to a great friend, not just a bloggie friend. In any event, I am so happy to hear that Lane is doing so well and that you are getting better every day. I pray that you continue to improve in your therapy and that Lane continues to grow and be strong like his mommy and daddy. I've even wondered about poor Layla. I know you were dealing with so much with her just before your accident and if anyone deserves a break right about now, its you. You absolutely remain in my thoughts and prayers. Many hugs.

  9. You know I think and pray for you often. I am SO glad you blogged again and I am even happier that you and Lane are doing so well.

    Many, many hugs! I am with Cheryl, how is little miss Layla?

  10. I am so happy to see an update and hear you and Lane are on the mend. I think of you so often and hoped you we're both healing quickly! I've shared your story with so many of my friends so that they too could pray for healing for you all.

    I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for a speedy recovery from here on out!

  11. My heart breaks for you but at the same time rejoices with how things seem to be improving. It sounds like you have a great support team surrounding you - which is awesome.

  12. Sandie (WTE startingourfam09)December 4, 2010 at 11:26 PM

    Glad to see you back!! I've been checking about once a week, waiting for an update. So glad to hear lil man is doing well, and you too!! Now, how about layla?? Enjoy this time with lane!!

  13. Oh gosh it's great to hear those good news. I had been thinking of you and your family a lot the last time.
    You can be so happy to have your family around and a wonderful husband to count on.
    I had a very bad car accident a few years ago too and i was in hospital for about 6 month and then 4 weeks to rehab. I still have my problems and they won#t go away completely...but who cares??I am alive and that's the best thing.
    All the best for you, Lane and your hubby.

  14. I am so happy to hear that you and Lane are recovering. I have thought about you a lot (I was on the November 2010 WTE board). I look forward to updates on Lane's growth! :)