Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Because It Only Takes a Moment to Change Your World...

I know that many of you are wondering where I have been these past two weeks. Some of you are aware of the events that have come to pass, but I am starting to feel like I am in a place to share with you my story. This could be long, it will be sad, and it may border on graphic, but regardless, I wanted to share my story.

Two weeks ago tomorrow, on Thursday October 7th, my life was changed forever. I decided to leave work a few minutes early to go by the mall and pick up some long sleeved maternity shirts. It was a quick, in and out trip... or so I had thought.

As I left the mall, I waited at my light to take the left hand turn that would take me home. When my light turned green, I saw the other cars around me stop, and so I pulled out. And there waiting for me was am ambulance, although I didn't know it at the time. I saw it for only a split second, then there was darkness. I woke to being cut out of the car, while a woman spoke to me, asking me questions.

All I could scream was that I was pregnant. No matter how much I knew they already knew didn't matter. I needed to be sure. The second thing I can remember was trying to give Eric's name and number. He needed to be there. I knew what was going to happen, and he had to be there...

I couldn't tell them my name, nor could I relay what happened (that came later), but I needed my boys to be OK. I could tell the doctor's were worried as we were rushed into the O.R. There was no time to prepare; as I started to cry, they put me under. I woke up soon afterwards in the Trauma ICU, very aware of what had happened and how much pain I was in. While making my left hand turn, a private emergency transport vehicle T-boned me directly on the driver's side.

The doctors (with Eric) went through my laundry list of broken bones: left collar bone, left shoulder, several ribs on the left side, several cracked vertebra, tail bone, and pelvic bone (into three pieces), along with some bleeding in my brain. Of all the broken bones, the only one considered operable was the pelvic bone, which would need to wait until Saturday.

It wasn't until I made it very clear how much I didn't care about my injuries that I was taken seriously and told how my boys were. Both were delivered via emergency c-section at 33w4d. Lane, a.k.a. Baby B, was relatively good. He was taken to the NICU and put into an isolette to control his temperature. He had a CT scan along with some other tests but overall was very good. Lucas, on the other hand, was not so well. It became very obvious why they hadn't filled me in on his condition yet.. it simply wasn't good. Eric wanted to tell me... he wanted to take me to him. I knew something very serious was wrong.

My poor boy was low in my pelvis when the accident happened, and he was crushed. As a result, he had severe brain damage and never woke from his coma. We waited for several days to see if anything would change, but it didn't. We baptized him early Thursday morning, then had several pictures taken (http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.com/) before stopping his ventilator. Eric and I then held him, cried, comforted each other... for hours. Together in our sadness. Until his last breath and heartbeat.

There is still so much to say but I am pushing on my own abilities, fighting back tears and exhaustion. Lucas was cremated today and we will have someone pick him up soon. I bought a necklace to keep some of his ashes with me forever, and should be here tomorrow. I stayed in the same hospital as Lane until Friday when I was transferred to another rehab specific hospital. I spend 3-4 hours a day working one of one with physical or occupational therapists, as well as some individual exercises. I will likely be here for another two weeks before going home, after which I will have someone come to my house several times a week. I'm currently in a wheelchair but am learning to walk (and will hopefully do so by the end of the year).

Honestly, I am not ready to deal with my loss. I have lost a son, I know that. He was beautiful, and I prayed harder than ever before, but right now, my focus has to be on getting better, and providing for Lane, who is still in the NICU. I'm just not ready to deal with it, because by doing so, I'll be letting other things in as well. Other things like the blame... blame of myself, blame of the driver. Or the 'what next?'s. I can't let myself feel so broken right now.

That's all for tonight. I can't do much more. But I will continue to post. You need to know more about Lane. You need to know more about Lucas. It will all come in time.

Love you all.

96 comments:

  1. Lindsay I know we only talk on here but I want you to know that not one day has passed that I haven't thought and prayed for you and your family. You are an amazingly strong women! Keep fighting and know that all of your online friends will be here for you. Of course, if there is anything possible that I can do please let me know.

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  2. Kaeli (Nanny2Mommy on WTE)October 21, 2010 at 1:11 AM

    My heart aches and breaks for you and Eric.. My fiance and I were just returning home from a date night when I decided to once again check in on your blog. I gasped as I silently read your posting and cried as I read it aloud to my fiance. Words cannot express what you must be feeling and how deeply I wish to shower you with love and comfort. I hope you find peace and heal your heart as soon as possible. You have a support group and a number of readers who are rooting for you. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am also very happy that baby Lane is alive and well.

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  3. Lindsay,

    I am a lurker and loved following you blogs about the trials and joys of carrying two little ones.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers as you journey through this difficult time.

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  4. Lindsay - I found your blog after googling so very early in my initial IVF days. We had due dates within days of one another. Several times a week, I've checked in to see what was new on your blog. A few times I even posted a suggestion or two when you were stumped on their nursery.

    I read the Nov WTE boards but never really post. I had read your story and had your family in my daily thoughts. Last night I began reading your blog and I realized I "knew" the person I had been reading about on WTE. I just sobbed.

    I don't know you, but your strength will remind me daily of what I can do. There are no words to offer you, but thank you for sharing yours on your blog and being a source of comfort to me along the way. You are already an amazing mom. I hope you come back to your blog in time. Much love and wishes for recovery - Zoe

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  5. There is no words to describe by heart ache for you. You are in my prayers. I feel tremendous love for you, Lane, Lucas and your husband. Get well darling!

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  6. I have been following your pregnancy as long as I have been pregnant. I am now around 30 weeks. I could feel the joy and excitement each time you posted and how much you wanted to have your precious baby boys.

    I am shocked to say the least of the events that have occurred and how you are handling everything. I was wondering why you handn't posted, but would not have even dreamed of the incident or events that have unfolded in your life.

    I really don't know what to say except that God has a reason for times of tragedy. I know it isn't of much comfort now, but you have to take care of yourself and your family.

    My prayers and blessings are with your family and hope you have a speedy recovery. Try to take each journey one day at a time.

    God bless,
    Tanya

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  7. I wanted to post a comment for Lindsay, my heart is breaking for you sweetie! I lost a daughter 6 years ago when I was five months pregnant. You will go through all kinds of emotion as time goes on and it is perfectly natural, let yourself grieve as much a you need! I wish I knew what to say...I am so thankful that you and you son Lane have made it through, that is a blessing! Lucas is with Jesus and could not be in a better place. I am so sorry for what you are going through and this is so tragic. God Bless you is all I really know to say. Please pray alot, it will give you strength through this time, that is how i made it through my ordeal. It is hard to imagine now but everything happens for a reason, we may never understand that reason while we are here on earth. I wish I could take this away for you or fix it, but you seem to be strong and even if you are not, it is ok! God Bless you and you will be in my prayers! Andrea

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  8. You know I've been thinking about you and praying for you all since I read what happened on WTE. Please know that I'm here for you if and whenever you need to talk. *hug*

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  9. I watched the news footage live of you being taken out of your car in that intersection, and hearing that the poor woman who was in the car, so badly destroyed, was a pregnant woman with twins and my heart ached for that woman. I couldn’t imagine and I silently prayed for her and her unborn babies. A few days later I heard on the news that that same woman and her husband had lost of on the twins and my heart ached even more. I couldn’t believe it and my husband and I prayed for your family over dinner that evening. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I kind of knew that person. I wondered why you hadn’t been blogging, but never did I think I would read what I read this morning. I sat here sobbing after the first paragraph because suddenly I knew the poor woman in that car, the woman I have been praying for each night. Words can’t describe the heartache I have for you and your loved ones. I am speechless. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I guess it can hit those pregnant with multiples right now harder than you would expect, life can change in an instant.

    Just remember you are a strong woman, and you have a good husband and family behind you. All you can do is heal yourself, mind, body and soul and remember God is always there on your toughest days. I will pray for you every day, to give you strength and hope. I will pray for Lucas and I know he is in a better place and for Lane to keep fighting to be stronger and stronger each day. Look into his eyes and know you are still very blessed to have that perfect little one. Take care of yourself and remember your support on here, we are all here, ready to lend a hand or just chat. Much love and prayers to your family.

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  10. Lindsay,
    I came over from Cupcake Dreamers blog after reading a bit of your story over there. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss and that I will be praying for your family.

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  11. There simply aren't enough words to express how incredibly sorry I am. I realize this is small comfort but please know that there are many who you know and many who you don't don't know personally that are thinking of you and praying for you. You and your family will continue to be in my thoughts and I hope with all my heart that Lane and yourself will make a speedy recovery.

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  12. You don't know me, but I learned of your story from Cupcake Dreamer. As a mom, these sort of "stories" seem to affect me so much more these days. I cried reading your blog and my heart ached for you and your loss. Things like this just don't seem fair to happen to the people they happen to.

    Last week, a friend of mine (who is an OB) shared with me a story of a patient of his who recently died after delivering twins (both of the twins passed) (her blog is www.lesliejoyevans.blogspot.com). It affected me so much. Maybe I shouldn't be telling you this. In a strange way, when I started reading your story I feared the same thing again...and was so incredibly happy to know that one of your twins survived. What a blessing.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my family's prayers. I can't imagine the hard time you are going through right now. Please be easy on yourself and know that you are in the Lord's hands and He will take care of you. When you don't feel you have any more strength, turn to Him. Know you have people who care about you and are praying for you.

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  13. I am in shock. I cannot even begin to imagine how this has been for you. I am so, so, SO sorry for your loss. If there is anything at all I can do from thousands of miles away, I hope you'll speak up. Please know that you are loved, even by people you barely know. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers. Big hugs. <3

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  14. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I cried reading your post and I cannot imagine the pain you and your husband are in and all the grief that you will go through. You and both of your boys will be in my thoughts and prayers. <3

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  15. I'm here from the WTE board. I am SO sorry for your loss. I don't have any other words for you that seem to make sense. I lost my son last year at 26 weeks, the grief is immeasurable. I can't even imagine going through your situation. I will be following your blog from now on. (I blog, too @ www.capegirlsjourney.blogspot.com)

    I want you to know that I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  16. I am SO sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you must be going through. I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts/vibes/karma to all of you.

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  17. *hugs and well wishes* I cannot even begin to imagine what you're going through right now but I feel your pain and I want you to know that we're here for you. I hope you're able to achieve those goals you laid out in your post about yourself and Lane. Sending you many many prayers. Take care.

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  18. I too am in tears reading your heartbreaking post. I'm so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

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  19. oh my goodness. I am praying for you and your family. I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

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  20. Oh, sweetie. I have no words for such a terrible, tragic loss you've experienced.

    I can only pray that you find comfort in the eyes and arms of your sweet Lane.

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  21. I am so very sorry! Words seem pointless right now, but know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  22. I"m so sorry for your loss. And those words seem so small in comparison to the grief you must be experiencing.

    Please know you are in my thoughts.

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  23. I am so sorry for your loss. I have you and your family in my prayers. I know there are no words, so just know we are all pulling for a quick recover for you and your little one. <3

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  24. I am so sorry for your loss. I found out you needed support through twitter and came to find out what happened. I don't have words beyond I'm so sorry and you are in my thoughts. ((hugs))

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  25. I am so sorry for your loss and just stunned at how unfair life can be. I'll pray to your and Lane's improved health and for all who are grieving the loss of Lucas.

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  26. There no words that can express how sorry I am that all of this happened. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. Hey Lindsay! I wanted to comment earlier, but I have been an emotional wreck all day long since I read your blog this morning. I started following you back in February when my husband and I started TTC. I feel like I know you. I share your adventures with my friends, so this news was just devasting. You guys are in our prayers, and I leave you with this because words can't be said for what you are going thru...

    If I die young bury me in satin
    Lay me down on a bed of roses
    Sink me in the river at dawn
    Send me away with the words of a love song
    oh oh oh oh

    Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
    She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
    Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
    ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

    The sharp knife of a short life, well
    I’ve had just enough time

    If I die young bury me in satin
    Lay me down on a bed of roses
    Sink me in the river at dawn
    Send me away with the words of a love song

    The sharp knife of a short life, well
    I’ve had just enough time

    And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
    I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
    I’ve never known the lovin' of a man
    But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
    There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
    Who would have thought forever could be severed by

    The sharp knife of a short life, well
    I’ve had just enough time

    So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
    What I never did is done

    A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
    They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
    And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
    Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

    If I die young bury me in satin
    Lay me down on a bed of roses
    Sink me in the river at dawn
    Send me away with the words of a love song
    oh oh

    The ballad of a dove
    Go with peace and love
    Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
    Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

    The sharp knife of a short life, well
    I’ve had just enough time

    So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

    -The Band Perry, If I Die Young

    Trust in the Man upstairs and He will give you strength. I leave you with my favorite verse - Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

    Meredith

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  28. Lindsay, I hope you don't feel upset with me. I just wanted to let you know that I sent out prayer requests to my blogging family as well as a few WTE boards. I suspect that is what caused your flood of comments today. I just wanted to let you know that we are all praying for your speedy recovery and hope for the best for your new baby boy. Good bless!

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  29. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." Matthew 5:4
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  30. I am so so sorry for your loss and for your pain.

    I followed a link from a friend on twitter mentioning your blog. I had no idea of your story and I honestly have no words but to say that you are a strong mama. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.

    Again, I'm so sorry.

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  31. I am so sorry to hear your news! Please accept my condolences. Stay strong. I am praying for you and your family.

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  32. I've been a lurker on your blog for a long time now.
    No words can express how sorry I am for your loss. Your family and you are in my prayers.
    I am so very sorry this happened to you!!

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  33. I am so incredibly sorry for both your loss and your injuries. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  34. I can't even imagine what you are going through right now. You are in my thoughts.

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  35. I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and the accident. I'll be praying for your family.

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  36. I am so sorry to hear of your loss! I know it must be so incredibly hard, but you seem to be so strong and I am keeping you and your family in my prayers!

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  37. I'm so sorry for your loss, Lindsay...You and your family are in my thoughts. Stay strong!

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  38. Lindsay, I am so sorry for your loss. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

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  39. Lindsay- I am so very sorry for your loss and this difficult time. You don't know me, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  40. I tried posting yesterday but lost my internet connection so here I am yet again.
    Lindsay - I don't even know what to say. I've been in shock since I learned of this yesterday. You and your family have been on my mind constantly. Just the other day I was thinking about you and wondering how Layla was doing, never in my wildest dreams thinking anything more had gone wrong. I have lost so many loved ones in my lifetime but even I cannot begin to fathom what you are going through. While words seem so inadequate at a time like this, I do want you to know that you, Eric, Lucas and Lane are in my thoughts constantly and in my prayers daily. I am so sorry that you ever had to know this pain. I hope I didn't overstep my bounds but I did a blog post directing people here to give you support and prayers. May God bring you much comfort, healing and peace in the coming days, weeks and months.

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  41. I have followed your blog since the very beginning! I check back every now and then to catch up and just read your recent blog. Words can not describe how much my heart hurts for you. We have never talked before, but I just wanted to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts. I wish there were more I could do for you. I hope you find some healing in the coming weeks.

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  42. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can comfort you right now, but please know that I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

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  43. I just saw this from Katie at From IF to When. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know your whole story, but being someone dealing with IF and TTC, my heart breaks for you and your family. I wish I could give you something more, more meaningful but I'm at a loss. You're in my prayers, as are Eric, Lane and Lucas.

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  44. Saying I'm sorry just doesn't feel like enough. I am though...so incredibly sorry. There are no true words and I wish there were something I could do for you, other than to offer my virtual hugs and prayers.

    You, your husband and Lane and Lucas will be in my thoughts.

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  45. I am so sorry. Thinking of you and your family.

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  46. I saw on the WTE board that you needed some prayers and it had a link to your blog. I read your story and immediately started crying. It's 1:35 am here and as I cried reading your story I sat here and watched my 3 year old daughter sleep while I was feeling my daughter to be move around (which is why I'm awake)and could not imagine the pain you are experiencing! The pain of your injuries and the pain of your loss. I'm so happy one of your boys is doing well and I'm so sorry the other one was taken from you far to soon and young! Lane will have one of the best guardian angels ever! Lucas will be with him every step of his life and will help to guard him every moment. Lucas knows how much his mommy and daddy need Lane here. I know words don't always help in situations like this, I don't know that they would help me if I were in your shoes...as hard is it is to be thankful right now, be thankful that you have still have a beautiful baby boy that has fought to stay with you and your husband. He will need the both of you as much as you will need him. Peace and Love be with you at this time.

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  47. Oh hunny, My heart goes out to you on sooo many levels. I had a friend stumble upon your blog and tell me I must read. I can honestly say, our situations are different but yet so similar. September 7, 2009...38 weeks gestation...I too was in a horrible car accident, along with my 13 month old daughter, husband, grandfather and grandmother. I felt EVERY emotion you described. Not caring about a single injury, broken arm, broken skull, broken ribs, leg...but wondering how my baby was. I was still in the back of the van buried under luggage from our mini getaway before baby number 2, when I'm begging the bystanders to tell me about my baby. They insisted they had her and she was going to be lifeflighted probably as well but was doing okay. I yelled at that point...."i'm talking about the baby in my belly. I'm pregnant". And instantly that's when everything changed. In between black outs I remember people pulling things off of me and just having that awful feeling you just explained that ABSOLUTELY NO mother should ever have to experience. You have a beautiful angel waiting for you in Heaven and I promise you the days ahead will not be easy. They will be so full of different emotions and you really won't want to hear what people like me have to say. It does become bearable. I still miss my dear Miranda every day. I think of her all the time and I cry for her often...but I am at the point, a little over a year later...that I can think of her and smile! I don't know you faith so I don't want to push that upon you too much...but the promise I have is that one day I will see her again. At first I wanted nothing to do with that thought, I wanted her now...I wanted to watch her grow, learn to walk, to talk all thethings a mother should be able to do....but with the time I've had to heal I do promise, it does get better. Unfortunately life does go on around us and you even get angry when people start to not remember as much. But having amazing people by your side, faith, church friends or whatever it is in your case, you will be able to unburies yourself from all the ruble and continue through this wretched thing we call life. My prayers for you now are that you can heal physically so that emotionally you can begin to heal as well. And that you are able to walk side by side with your husband (i'm just assumin' accept my apologies if Eric is not your spouse) and that you two can talk about your feelings together. Don't try going at this alone...I promise it will get the best of you. And then my prayers will not stop for your other son in the NICU.
    This message may not seem very positive at times and I do apologize. But it's being real with you. You have a long path ahead....I still am struggling. I have days where I could be expecting to have the best day ever and it just hits me and it turns from good to horrible. But trust me when I say, life does seem to let up on you, it is possible to go on (even though you WILL NEVER FORGET!) and there are people out there who are praying for you!
    If there is ANYTHING AT ALL that I can do, help you with as far as suggested readings, whatever...please do not hesitate to ask. If all is okay, i plan to continue to follow your blog to remind me how to pray for you and your dear family. My blog has become a little bit of everything lately but my story is there...and it has helped me. So if blogging helps keep it up!! You do have an amazing (and heart wrenching) story to share. Your sweet angel is with you forever!!

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  48. I don't even know what to say, I have been following your blog for a while and really enjoy reading about the similar things we were going through. I am sitting here sobbing at the pain you must be feeling both physically and emotionally. I am so sorry this has happened to you and you and your family are in my prayers. Please keep us updated on your progress and about Lane. There are so many of us thinking of you...

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  49. Lindsay - I continue to think of you and your family often and keep you all in my prayers. Please continue to know that you have many people who are holding you in their hearts.
    (AliKatsMom on WTE November)

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  50. Lindsay; we met and posted time to time on WTE. I am so very, very sorry for your loss, and for your surviving son to be brought into the world under such sad circumstances. I will not say you are brave, because I know you would never choose to fight this battle if you didn't have to. I will say you are strong, because all mothers are. It's something that happens when that life begins to beat within us. You are strong and able and going to be okay. Your son needs you more than most. Your life has changed forever... it will always have an emptiness that will never be filled. You will endure this. We will send prayers and hopes and love... I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

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  51. I am so incredibly sorry, Lindsay. My heart was in my throat reading this. Sending a virtual hug and good thoughts for a quick recovery physically. And then a ton of love for the emotional recovery.

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  52. From LFCA

    My deepest condolences on your loss, mixed with hope for baby Lane, and wishes for your speedy physical recovery. You are in our thoughts...

    -Tally

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  53. Coming from LFCA. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I am filled with hope for recovery of both you and Lane. You are in my thoughts.

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  54. My heart is breaking for you right now. You are in my thoughts, and I wish you the speediest of recoveries.

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  55. I am here from LFCA. My heart was absolutely breaking for you as I read this, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and struggles. Praying for your strength and peace during this difficult time.

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  56. I came here via LFCA and was horrified to hear all that you and your family have endured over the past couple of weeks. I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you and am praying that you continue to find strength when you need it most to move forward. I hope that you feel surrounded by the love of many lifting you up in prayer and hope.

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  57. Here from LFCA. I am so very sorry for all that you have been through and for the loss of your little boy. There are no words for heartbreak like that. My only hope is for you and your little boy to begin to heal physically and that you all find a way to heal emotionally.
    Thinking of you and your family....

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  58. I read about you on LFCA. I'm so, so sorry, Lindsay ... what a loss for you, and for your family. I read this post with my heart in my throat. I hope that your recovery is as quick as it can be, and am sending loving thoughts for what I can only imagine will be a long emotional and spiritual journey.

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  59. Lindsay, I am abiding with you as you heal and grieve and rejoice, all at the same time. It's such a lot!

    May you have all you need in the coming months.

    Hugs.

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  60. Here from LFCA.

    I'm so sorry. What a horrible loss for your family. I will be thinking of you all and hoping for your speedy recovery and for Lane's health. (((hugs)))

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  61. Lindsay, oh sweetheart I am sending you love from my heart.

    And light, to show you the way through the dark.

    Love love love from Australia.

    Eden XOX

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  62. I've never commented here before, but I want to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family.

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  63. Here from LFCA too.

    I just wanted you to know how very sorry I am for your loss. No one should ever have to go through the pain of losing a child, and I am so sorry that that one moment forever changed your life.


    I will be thinking about you and your family. Lots of love to both Lucas and Lane.

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  64. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray God gives you comfort. You will be in my prayers.

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  65. Here from LFCA. My heart aches for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could take some of your pain. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Take SARS.

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  66. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

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  67. Lfca -- I'm so, so sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family in this difficult time.

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  68. I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking about all of you.

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  69. Here from LFCA... So very sorry for your loss and everything you're going through (*hugs*) I hope that you recover well and your family find strength to get through this.

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  70. I am so sorry. I am at a loss for what to say other then I am so sorry. Praying for your family is all I can offer.

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  71. I have no words... Simply heartbreaking.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  72. I am heartbroken for you. I will pray for you and your family, that you have the strength to cope with the coming days, weeks and months. That Lane grows more healthy with each passing day and brings much deserved joy to your hearts.

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  73. Lindsay, I am so very sorry for your loss.

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  74. My heart breaks for you. I'm praying for your family and especially for Lane to grow strong and big, and he will be your rock to keep you going. So sorry sweetie

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  75. Oh, Lindsay, I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words. Know we are here for you and praying and thinking of you and your sons. Sending prayers up for Lucas, and for your and Lane's continued recovery.

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  76. Here from LFCA...I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers and love as you recover.

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  77. also here from melissa. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son lucas. wishing you loads of strength and healing in your recovery.

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  78. Wow, I can't even comprehend the nightmare you've just gone through. I'm so, so sorry. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, your husband, and Lane.

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  79. Please know you are in the hearts of all of out here in the cyberworld. Wish you peace.

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  80. My thoughts are with you and your family. I'm so incredibly sorry for the loss that you have experienced.
    LFCA

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  81. Lindsay,
    I just want to say my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  82. I am so terribly, terribly sorry for your loss.

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  83. Here from LFCA, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Wishing for you and your son a quick recovery.

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  84. Here from LFCA. I'm so sorry for your loss. You are most definitely in my prayers as you and Lane continue to get stronger and heal.

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  85. I don't know what to say. Here from the LFCA. I am just so terribly sorry for your loss.

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  86. Here from LFCA...I am so very, very sorry. We are all thinking of you during this time. I can't even imagine what pain you must be in. Take care.

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  87. Dear Lindsay, So heartbroken for your loss of Lucas, and for all the trauma. And I know this seems an odd time to say this, but congratulations on both your boys and the beautiful job you did growing them.

    We lost our daughter in a car accident when I was 34w pregnant in December last year. She died of placental abruption at the scene and was stillborn. I know it is a different situation but if you ever feel alone and want to talk to someone who has also been through babyloss via car accident trauma, please contact me via the blog.

    Sending you so much love and hoping you and Lane are healing well. xxx H

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  88. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Know that there are many that are thinking, hoping and praying for you - in your time of loss, in you time of hope, and in your speedy recovery.

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  89. I am so sorry to read this story. There is nothing to say other than I am thinking of you and I hope that the support you receive through your blog can lift the tiniest bit of ache from your heart.

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  90. Here from Just Me C, I'm sooo sorry for your loss. I can't imagine all that you are experiencing at one time. A wreck alone is tragic, but your injuries and your rehab are serious! Then the loss of your sweet boy is unspeakable. I'm sending up prayers for you and your family right now.

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  91. I have been following your blog since I started ttc (now 20 wks pregnant). When you got pregnant I was soo happy for you! Reading your blog through the weeks has really made me feel close to you, even though we've never met. I am so sorry for your loss. I cried so hard reading your post, because I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel in your situation. I hope you have a speedy recovery, and know that in time things will get better. You have a lot of people thinking good thoughts, and praying for you. I am not religious but you can bet I'm sending lots of positive energy your way, and hoping things get better quickly <3

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  92. I have no words... I'm just so incredibly sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you heal from it all. God bless.

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  93. We hope you and Baby Lane are doing well. We think of you often and pray that you are recovering well and enjoying Baby Lane! We hope you are able to spend Thanksgiving with loved ones. God Bless

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  94. Been thinking about you since you posted your tragic news. Please know many are sending their thoughts to you and your family. Hoping you are recovering physically. I check often for updates on how you are doing....I have lost a child and wanted to let you know how much others are thinking of you.

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