Wednesday, July 14, 2010 infertility

Since I am basically spending every 30 minutes in the bathroom right now (thanks, boys, for playing soccer with my bladder, BTW), I've had alot of time to reflect on Eric and my TTC journey.  Granted, the TTC journey has ended (at least for this current moment), but I can't help thinking back to this time last year and what I was thinking then.... Next week, we will be vacationing at Holden Beach, NC, which has been my family's vacation spot for the past 30 years (my first trip was 28 years ago at the ripe age of 4 months).  Last year, we were lucky enough to go twice... our regular July family trip, and an extra trip in June for my sister's wedding.  This upcoming vacation is probably what has sparked my reflections, since I can remember everything going through my head during both vacations.

For those who do not know much about how our TTC journey started, it's pretty simple.  Eric and I decided to start out as one of those couples who "just let things happened".  We pulled the goalie, stopped all birth control, and readied ourselves for this life changing event that we were sure would only take a couple months to happen.  Boy were we wrong.  That was January 2009... skip forward to June, and not only are we not pregnant, but my body has essentially shut down.  No ovulation, no period, no nothing.  I remember "relaxing" at the beach thinking, "What the hell?", and resolving to call the doctor once we got home.  Which I did... I remember it exactly.  Monday, June 15th, I call my doctor and set up an appointment for that week, and 10 minutes later, here comes Aunt Flo.  After 5 months.  Thanks.

So of course, my doctor thought I was crazy for coming in... basically she made me feel like all was good because my period was back and we were set to really get going.  That's when Eric and I made the jump from being a couple who wasn't preventing (which I know now doesn't really exist, we just say that to make ourselves feel better) to a couple actively trying to make a baby.  And I was elated.  I remember spending our July trip thinking about how this time next year, we'd definitely have a little bundle of joy to share our vacation with, and about how different the trip would be.

Boy was I so wrong.  Not only did that not work, but it continued to not work for another 8 months before we finally got pregnant (as you all know, through the magic of injectables and IUI). 

I'm not sad about this at all.  I know we got pregnant when we were supposed to... we had trouble, and we struggled, and I cried ALOT, but really, this was our time, and these are our babies.  Do I still wish it had happened faster?  Sure.  I wish I was vacation with my little family this year.  I wish I hadn't had to use all those fertility meds over the last 6+ months of TTC, and I wish they hadn't made me gain 15 lbs.  But I am happy with my thoughts of next year.... of my little 9 month old boys (give or take on the age, of course), sitting and playing in the sand in their terribly adorable little bathing suits.  I cannot wait.  Its going to be a new adventure for us, and I am ready.

It just shows you how easily things can change.  I'm happy to finally be at the point where I can reflect back on my journey and not be sad about it.  It has brought us here, and this is exactly where we are meant to be.

Disclaimer: I still find infertility to be a nasty, unfair bitch.  Just wanted to make sure there wasn't any confusion.


  1. I'm so glad that your time has come. Next year's vacation will be the best! I still can't believe you are over half way there. I had posted earlier on another blog that it's funny how fast a pregnancy flies by...esp when the dreaded 2ww seems to last for eternity. How can the other 38 wks fly by when those first 2wks are miserably long? I know, again, its the knowing vs the not knowing - but still!

  2. Your post provides me with inspiration. I am at a point where I so want to be reflecting back on how my infertility treatments were all worth it, but instead I'm still in the thick of it! I'm SO READY to be a mom and can't wait to be in your shoes. Keep writing your posts. They are fabulous for those us in the trenches.

  3. One year ago we were starting to TTC! And we're about to bring home a 4 and 6 yr old... so how's that for a change!?! :)

  4. I did the same things while TTC. Oh next Christmas will be different we'll have a little baby, well it was different alright... I was having m/c #2. Then I thought oh yeah this time next June, etc. Here I am this summer thinking.. wow last year at this time, I was huge and having a baby shower, now I am trying to figure out how to do this and that juggling 2 babies. Oh I can't wait for you to see what I mean.

    Infertility does suck!

    PS Going to go to Post office or somewhere soon and see how much it will cost to ship stroller. ok?