So if you also follow my posts on WTE.com, you have already read this, but of course I need to also post it here as well.
I am always saying how everyone else around me is pregnant, but this week takes the cake. Out of the past 4 days, I have found out another friend of mine is pregnant... Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, all brings new babies-to-be. But, as always, there is a new twist this week...
One of them is my sister.
Now, before I got into my own venting, I want to say that I am 100% happy for my sister. She is my best friend, I love her to pieces and she will be a wonderful mom!
But... (there's always a but)
I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me really sad and quite a bit jealous. The second I got off the phone with her, I started balling crying (big thanks to Provera). It makes me feel like such a bad person, especially when my own sister was afraid to tell me because she was worried I would be mad at her. I should just be happy for her, but all I can think about is how it isn't me or how its supposed to be me. But thats not fair at all to her.
And this is now all on the wake of a second phone call with my Dr to discuss doing an IUI this round. My husband and I originally wanted to try a successful ovulation round with good old-fashion baby-dancing, but she is now suggesting that we move on to IUI, as it will help almost double our chances of getting pregnant (considering I actually ovulate this cycle). I am fine with this idea, but it also makes me a little sad... almost like I am even more broken than I originally thought.
Why does the world seem to hate me??
UPDATE: Just wanted to let everyone know that the week ended at 5 out of 7... bah!
Friday, February 12, 2010
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I am so very sorry for what you are going through. Sister or not, your feelings are normal sweetie and you shouldn't feel bad. I can assure you I understand b/c I have watched absolutely everyone in my life get pg and have kids, even some that probably shouldn't (at least in my eyes), and yet my turn has never come. This can be said for so many of us. When I m/c in 08 I swear everyone I knew was pg at that time. All of my friends, co-workers, etc. It absolutely sucked. Some of those very friends are now trying for no 2. That is when it really sucks..plain and simple. I have been through so much in life and I too have asked the question...why does life or God hate me? I always refer to life's hardships as "character building experiences." I think that perhaps people like us are the chosen ones who are meant to have character out the a@!. I have sooooo much character! I think I'm sick of character. :) Keep your head up and think positive. IUI has worked for so many...I'm one of them :). If you don't get to "do it" the fun way, at least IUI is simple and painless. Wishing you the best.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right, I have more than enough character! Thanks so much for encouragement!
ReplyDeleteIt really is hard to fain happiness in front of the preggos.. especially the ones that you know you should be happy for, but because of your own problems you just can't. I know you feel guilty.. but don't its natural and honest. And you're entitled to it. OWN IT!! Cry, Scream, Throw Things!! You're allowed!! At least in my world.. its acceptable.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're definitely not alone.. the world hates me too!! LOL!! xoxoxo