CD14 Results!

Sorry, I know I'm a day late with this but it's harder to get around to posting on weekends.  I went in yesterday (Saturday) for CD14 monitoring and here are the results:

Estrogen: 586 (up from 408 on CD13)
Leading Follicle: 23mm!!  (with two additional at 15mm and 16mm)

So, last night, I took my first trigger shot.  It wasn't as bad as I had expected.  A lot of people told me it burned, but it wasn't very bad at all.  I just made sure to take my time injecting it, and that seemed to help.  Anyway, I took it at 10pm, and my first IUI is scheduled for tomorrow (CD16) at 10am.  I'm excited and nervous and happy... a whole mix of emotions.  I can't believe that by tomorrow, we could have our baby!  This might be the longest two week wait, ever!!

The hubby and I decided to have a sort of a date day yesterday.  We spent the day at our favorite winery, followed by dinner, and some personal time together (if you catch my drift).  It was a great day.  Today, I woke up to tons of EWCM, a +OPK, and for the first time, a VERY obvious open, soft cervix.  Its crazy, I never thought things like this would make me so happy!

Anyway, there's the update.  IUI is tomorrow morning, yay!!  Everyone keep your fingers crossed!

Do It Yourself

I know the last thing in the world someone should do is start planning their baby's nursery before they are even pregnant, but who are we kidding, we ALL do it... Someone shared this link a while ago and I had all but forgotten about it until I was looking through my web favorites and found it again.  I've had lots of fun playing with it, so maybe you will too!

DYOBB - Design Your Own Baby Bedding

So Close... CD13 Update!

I got my CD13 results from this morning a little earlier than normal, which really makes my day because I was really antsy this morning.  And, the results are...

Estrogen = 405 (up from 270 on CD12)
Right Ovary = Two leading follicles, one at 16mm and one at 17mm (2mm improvement from CD12)
Left Ovary = One leading (still not quite mature) follicle at 14.5mm (1mm improvement from CD12)

So, even though I am not quite there yet, this is exciting news for me. Tonight, I'll take one more shot of Follistim (50IUs), and will be back tomorrow morning to check on the status.  The doctor seems confident that I will likely trigger tomorrow... which means our IUI will likely be on Sunday.  And worst case, if I am not ready by tomorrow, they are very confident that I will be ready before the end of the weekend.  Yay, yay, yay!!

This news has of course made my day.  I feel significantly better than I have all week, so that also helps.  Honestly the worst thing is that I feel so bloated!  I mean, its so bad that my pants hurt... or rather, they are hurting me.  I have never wanted to be in PJs so bad in my life.  It is going to be the first thing I do when I get home!

And the CD12 Results Are In...

...with no real change.  Shocking.  The offical results are:

Estrogen = 270
Right Ovary = Two leading follicles, both 15mm, i.e. one grew a little, one remained the same
Left Ovary = One leading follicle, 13.5mm, i.e. remained the same

So I'll be taking another 50IU injection of Follistim tonight and will be back bright and early tomorrow to see what my response is.... fingers crossed for some improvement over the night!

Follicle Size and Ovulation

After my monitoring this morning, I found myself really curious about to correlation between follicle size and the LH surge to initiate ovulation. Based on conversation with my doctor(s), they consider a follicle 15mm or more to be mature, and will trigger (with hCG injection) once the follicle reaches 20mm. My question was "When does the body alone "trigger" ovulation?" Basically, I was concerned that by waiting until the follicle was 20mm, I could potentially ovulate on my own and miss it... especially considering the fact that we are doing our first IUI this cycle.  

So, I Googled, and found this link... I thought the information was useful, especially at putting my mind at ease a little during this "waiting period".  I thought I would share in case anyone was interested!  Enjoy!

Ovulation After Controlled Ovarian Hyperstimulation

CD12 Morning Thoughts...

Today is CD12, and I had some follow up monitoring this morning, bright and early at 7:30am.  I'm still waiting on the "offical" results, as always, but I figured it never hurts to give an unoffical update.

This morning the observing doctor was actually my own, Dr. K - usually I have Dr. L in the mornings, but it was nice to see my real doctor... even though I really like Dr. L as well.  ANYWAY, she told me this morning I had three leading follicles... on Tuesday, I had four (15.5mm and 12.5mm on right, 13.5mm and 12.5mm on left).  Not sure what happened here, but it is definitely something I plan to ask when she calls with the results.  Maybe she just doesn't consider something 12mm and smaller to be leading... who knows.  I was a little concerned because the largest follicle I had on Tuesday seemed unchanged; in fact, it seemed like it actually shrunk.  She said she would look back at Tuesdays results and compare while I got dressed.  I checked with her on my way out, and she said 1 of the 3 follicles stayed the same (guessing the largest one), and 2 of them had grown slightly... to me, that means probably 1mm or so.  We'll see.

So more waiting, as per usual.  I'm nervous because it seems like I really do need the FSH injections to keep progressing, considering my improvement has waned since stopping the injections on Monday, but at the same time, I'm worried if we start back up, I'll start to overstimulate again (she said I have a LOT of small follies waiting in the wings).  I just have to keep busy today at work and hope the day goes by faster.

In other news, I feel absolutely miserable today (and yesterday for that matter).  If you don't remember, on Monday, I was feeling pretty rough, but I attributed it to my increasing dose of Metformin.  For the past two days, though, I've feel like I could throw up at any moment, and my head feels like it is about to explode.  My husband has been sick, but not with these symptoms, so I can only assume it has something to do with the medication.  I just really want to go home and go to sleep!!

Be on the lookout for the official results this afternoon!!

CD10 Monitoring, Update

I just got off the phone with my nurse, and the results are in:

Estrogen = 273
Right Ovary = 15.5 mm and 12.5mm leading follicles, with several smaller follicles
Left Ovary = 13.5mm and 12.5mm leading follicles, also with several smaller follicles

My doctor's office considers your follicles to be mature at 15mm or more, and will trigger at 20mm, so I still have a little ways to go.  I will not be doing anymore Follistim injections, but will continue with the Metformin, and follow up again on Thursday, CD12.

I'm still really worried they are going to tell me to scrap this cycle due to overstimulation, but hopefully they will calm down a little...  I just really want this cycle to work!!

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't

This morning was my CD10 bloodwork and ultrasound.  I'm still waiting on the "official" results, but based on what the doctor who was overseeing the u/s this morning (we'll call him Dr. L) said, this cycle is more than working.  I had two leading follicles on each side (I'll have the exact measurements this afternoon, but the largest was 17 x 14 mm, so I guess that would call that a 15-16mm follie??  We'll see), as well a several smaller (10-11 mm) follies on each side.  Dr. L said that most likely my doctor (Dr. K) will not want me to do anymore Follistim injections this cycle, because it has definitely worked better than expected, even at the lowest dose (50 IUs).

So like I said, I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.  On the Clomid alone, I was getting nowhere, but now with the Metformin/Clomid/Follistim combo, I am at risk of overstimulation.  Don't get me wrong, words cannot describe how happy and excited I was leaving this morning's appointment.  I was elated.  When I saw the follicles on the u/s screen, I almost screamed.  It was so different from last cycle where I only had a couple follies, and they never got any bigger than 11mm.  But I'm also worried; Dr. L did say that having so many lead follicles can be a dangerous avenue (unless you're proceeding with IVF, not IUI like I am).  I'm hoping to get more info this afternoon, but my biggest fear is that they will tell me this cycle is a no-go due to the risk of high multple births (triplets and more).

Is it wrong for me to say, "I don't care"?  I know that I'm probably not thinking the whole thing through right now, but it's will be hard for me to accept moving on based on a possiblilty.  Dr. L said it can go either way, and its something I should really discuss with my own doctor before making a decision.  He said you can have 10 lead follicles and not get pregnant, or have 3 and get triplets.  Its just how much are you willing to risk. 

So anyway, I'm going to try to focus on work for the remainder of the day and wait on the follow up phone call from my doctor with the official results.  I have my fingers crossed!  Most likely, if all is well, I'll be back in a day or two, and will trigger later this week.

In Other Happy News

Just got the word that the PA went through on my Follistim, and insurance is covering it!  Words cannot express how happy I am about this, especially if we require several cycles of treatment.  Granted, it isn't guaranteed that it will be covered each cycle, but any help is... well helpful.

Blahh...

Ugh, I feel like my stomach is doing flips!  Today, I bumped up my Metformin dose to 3 x 500 mg per day.  My doctor said Metformin could cause you to be nauseas, which is why we ramped up the dose slowly over the past couple weeks, but I haven't had any issues since taking it... except maybe a little on Day 1.  But today is a whole new story.  Ever since taking my mid-day pill with lunch, I've felt like I am going to pass out or ralph at any second... maybe even both. 

I must look sick too, because everyone who has come to my office has asked what's wrong... and of course wrapped up the discussion with the typical "I bet you're pregnant" statement.  Hello!  Nausea does not automatically equal pregnancy.  People tend to get sick and nauseas... its pretty common.  Why is it now that I am at a certain age that this is the automatic conclusion?  Granted, people at work have no idea that I am trying to get pregnant, nor that we are having trouble doing so, but I hate hearing everyone's deep intellect on the subject, especially when I know that isn't the case.  Then to top it all off, when you dismiss their suspicions, they give you that look like "Riiiight, I know you're hiding something".  Oh my gosh, shove it and get out of my office already!

Anyway, enough bitching for one day; it really was not my intent for this post, but it just gets away from me sometimes.  Today (or rather tonight) is Day 3 of the Follistim injections, and they are going well.  Giving the shot itself is cake, no problems at all there.  I don't know what I expected, but I thought I might feel different.  Not sure how, really, but just different.  I hate not being able to know if its working. 

Tomorrow is my first day of monitoring for this cycle.  It will be CD10, so I am not expecting too much, but I am hoping to be in a better position than I was last time... I really have my fingers crossed for something bigger than 11mm, because right now, I HATE that number.

Numero One

And my first Follistim shot is DONE.  My husband ended up going out of town for the weekend, so I did have to give them to myself.  I was probably pretty entertaining to watch... it took me 15 minutes to talk myself into doing it.  But now that it's done, I can honestly say it wasn't bad at all.  It didn't hurt one bit, I honeslty barely felt it.  This is gonna be cake!

Not much more on the update front today.  My first monitoring is on Tuesday at 7:30am, so I am hoping for some good news.  I don't expect the follicles to be ready, but I am hoping for some improvement from previous sessions.  Fingers are firmly crossed.

Zen... holmmm

After waiting for what seemed like a lifetime, I ended up leaving the Pharmacy this afternoon with a nice dent in my new credit card.  Even though the company said a decision would be made by 4pm, they apparently need a few more hours for what must be a horribly difficult decision.  But, I digress...

Going into it, the idea of putting $500 on my credit card made me cringe... my husband is a stingy man  (I am not exaggerating... I would love to kick up the heat or crank up the AC in the summer, but he is so stingy) who is constantly on my case about credit cards, and even though he was more than OK with this charge, its now overly drilled into my brain that credit cards are bad.  Then I started watching all the other women coming in to pick up their own prescription(s).  I actually feel lucky only spending $500.  Two women came in to get Follistim and some other meds and spent $2500 and $4300 respectively.  My mouth almost hit the floor.  I don't know what else they got (I only know the Follistim fact because one of them told me and the other I saw open her package). 

So after this experience, I've decided to take a more zen approach to this.  I need to get past my obsessive and impatient nature and go with the flow.  I have my meds now... and even if I don't get reimbured, its still not so bad.  If this cycle is meant to work, then it will.  Granted, this zen mood may only last the night, but I am going to try to keep it up until at least monitoring starts on Tuesday.  Fingers crossed.

Thankfully the weekend is here, and I have decided my most difficult decision is going to be picking between LOST, Buffy, or My So-Called Life for my planned DVD maration (the hubs is going out of town for a boys weekend, so I have the house to myself) and what sushi I am in the mood for.

Just Another Day

So, big surprise, my Follistim prior authorization (PA) still hasn't gone through.  When I spoke with the insurance company yesterday, they said they had 24 hours to authorize since my doctor had to place (another) rush order for the mediction.  Well, 24 hours was up at 11am, and I called back to check at around 12pm, and was told they have until 4pm to approve... someone is doing their math wrong.

I'm of course still frustrated, but honestly, I am not surprised.  I have been dealing with this for over a week now, so the shock factor has pretty much died by now.  Sadly, I think the number one reason (at least right now at this point) I hope this cycle works is so I can avoid going through this again next month.  It's exhausting.

Luckily, my pharmacy said they will let me pay the out-of-pocket cost ($500) and they will reimburse me when the PA comes through... because I am not going to be surprised to find it doesn't happen by 4pm either... Even though I don't need the meds until tomorrow, they are not open on Saturdays, so I have to pick it up today, no matter what.

Just another day of IF treatments.

Another Day, Another Insurance Issue

I posted yesterday about the joys of dealing with insurance companies though all these IF treatments, but I feel the need to elaborate further on my vent with today's developments.  We already know how stupid I think the insurance company is for needing a prior authorization (PA's for short) for all of these meds, but now I see that the company as a whole is just ignorant.

So I called my pharmacy today to check on the status of the Follistim approval, as I need to pick it up by tomorrow to be on schedule.  They said everything was submitted, but that they were still waiting on my insurance company to authorize.  I asked if I should give them a call and she said "No", but me being me, I did anyway... and lucky I did.

Once on the phone, after being on hold forever and transferred several times, I was told they had never received the authorization request... the only PA's they had was for the Gonal-F (which was denied) and the Ovidrel (which was accepted), but nothing for Follistim.  I explained how my doctor had called them and was told Gonal-F was not covered, but that Follistim was, and so she decided to make the change.  She called in the new Rx for me and also called back my insurance company to let them know.  The PA went out for authorization and was sent back to the insurance company, but now all of a sudden, its missing... or rather, just plain non-existent.

You would think a company who is supposed to have a person's welfare in mind would be a little more "on top" of things.  I feel like I am taking crazy pills.  Now, my doctor had to call back and place another STAT (which the operator felt the need to explain means "urgent order", thanks genius) PA order with them and was told "we will make a decision in the next 24 hours".  Well, that's all well and good, but why the crap do you need a whole day?  You've already told us you cover this medication, so give me a break.  It takes, like, 5 minutes to update your computer system and select "Yes".

Soo back in the holding pattern.  I'm supposed to call the pharmacy back around noon tomorrow to have them re-run the insurance, and hopefully by then, it will go through.  If not, it looks like I'll be paying out of pocket... yay...

And just for a short status update, today is CD5 for me, and I have 2 days left of the Clomid... and only 2 days left until starting the injections, so YAY!  I'm very excited.

You Can Have It!

I'd like to give up my Infertility for Lent, please.

Yeah, That Makes Sense...

Last night, while at home, I sat recalling all the events of yesterday, and a thought occured to me.  WHY does my insurance company require a prior authorization for my prescriptions?  I mean, isn't that what a prescription is?  Rather than just taking the script for what it is, this is how the whole process goes:

1. Doctor gives me the script
2. I take the script to the pharmacy
3. Pharmacy says "Whoops, insurance did not accept this, they are waiting on authorization"
4. I stand baffled and leave annoyed
5. Insurance company sends form to my doctor to authorize medication
6. Doctor resends form to insurance company, who then sits on it for a few days
7. Insurance company lets pharmacy know everythings a go...

I mean, does this make sense to everyone else?  The fact that I even have a prescription should show that my doctor authorizes my use of this medication.  So why do we have to go through this process EVERY time I get some fertility meds?

Granted, I know I shouldn't really complain because I am lucky to have any coverage for IF as it is, but really... give me a break.  The last thing I need is the added stress!

Never An Easy Moment, Part 2

After a lot of back and forth (and I do mean A LOT), plans have been altered.  It turns out that, while these fertility meds are covered, they only cover certain ones, and my insurance company prefers Follistim to Gonal-F.  So I discussed this with my RE, and she decided it was a suitable replacement for the Gonal-F.  So now I'll be taking 50IU on CD7-9 and additional days as necessary, pending the results of my monitoring, which starts on CD10.

I was finally able to cancel the Gonal-F order so that it wasn't charged on my credit card, and luckily I do not have to wait for a drug delivery this time around.  There is a specialty pharmacy right down the road from me that carries it, so pending a NEW authorization for this med (who knows how long that will take), I am set for this round.

Never An Easy Moment

Another day, another issue.  I started today in great spirits.  Today is Day 1 of this new cycle of Clomid (round 4), but I feel much better about it since this will be the first round with injectables.  I'm so excited, I could pee myself.  Even if this doesn't work (which will of course be heartbreaking), each new drug or method gets us one step closer, and that is exciting to me...

But, of course, issues always arise... and wouldn't you know, half the time its related to insurance issues.  I know I can't complain because I am lucky to have some coverage, but geez!  It's exhausting sometimes dealing with this crap!

So, what happened??  Well. tomorrow, my Gonal-F vials were due to be delivered for use starting on Saturday.  I took the day off of work and was "patiently" waiting to see if my insurance company was going to cover it.  Then I get an email from my nurse, saying my RE wants me to get a refill started now because I will likely need more than the 3 days worth (original plan was 75mg injections on Day 7-9)... Umm, OK, well if thats what she wanted, why didn't she write the script for more than 3 vials?  *Sigh* So I call up the drug company that is sending it to me, and they say:

1. You can't just add more vials (idiot... is what they wanted to say), you need a new script... even if you have 2 refills left, it doesn't work like that...

And...(best part)

2. We're still waiting on the prior authorization from your insurance company... so we will not be shipping out today for you tomorrow... so we're moving it to Friday delivery (day before I need the drug, hope nothing goes wrong!  hint: sarcasm), and we aren't even sure we will have the authorization by then, so who knows how it will work out... best of luck, though!

Great, thanks guys!  Didn't you think maybe it would be a good idea to call and let me know of these issues?  If my nurse hadn't prompted me to make the call, I would have never known, and I would have wasted a day at home waiting for it.  Thanks sooo much.

Just another day in the life of IF treatments... ain't life grand??

And She's Here!

I've probably never been so excited to get my period!  She is here and this new cycle can begin.  I am actually surprised that I started so soon.  Last time I took Provera, I was 7 weeks into my cycle, and it still took 3 days after the last pill to start.  This time around, I started taking the Provera on CD21, so I thought it would take a bit longer, but I started only 2 days after the last pill.  So, yay!

Now I'm just waiting on my nurse to call me back so we can set up monitoring appointments... I hate waiting.  Don't they know its dangerous to make a hormone-crazed women with PMS wait anything length of time? 

I think this cycle we are going to do an IUI.  Our original plan was to try one successful ovulatory cycle with good old-fashioned baby dancing, but after speaking with my RE, she thinks it would be a good idea to proceed with the IUI and not wait another cycle.  She said that it would help double our chances of conceiving and that it has been known to help women who have had a LEEP procedure in the past, which I did back in 2007.

I, of course, have about a thousand questions for my nurse, but the biggest one is "What day do I count as CD 1??".  Usually, I have no issue with this.  I'll usually wake up to a huge temp drop and full on flow, so there is no question about it, but this time, it didn't work like that.  My temp was still pretty up (97.77) on Sunday morning.  Then around 11AM, I noticed some spotting.  My husband and I were worried AF would ruin our Valentine's Day sexin', so we immediately went at it ;-D.  Then at around 3PM, while shopping in Target, I definitely felt like she was in full force.  I went to the bathroom, and there was definitely more than spotting, but not as heavy as I am used to on my first day.  Then this morning, my temp dropped even more (97.33) and there is no mistaking a heavy flow at this point.

My doctor said that any flow (i.e. not spotting)  before 5PM would be counted as Day 1, but I have such a hard time deciding if this was a light flow or spotting.  I'm worried that if I pick wrong, this cycle will be messed up, especially since I will be taking Clomid on CD3 instead of CD5 this time around.  I am leaning more towards Sunday being my Day 1, but I can't help but question it, because it was light.  I'm worried it may have just been spotting mixed with DH's semen from our Valentine's rendezvous.  Ugh, what I wouldn't give to not have to question things like this!!

UPDATE: I just got off the phone with my nurse.  Hubby and I will be going in tomorrow for some pre-IUI bloodwork, and my monitoring will begin next Tuesday.  She said to go ahead and count yesterday as Day 1, but I'm still worried about it.  I also thought maybe I'd be OK since I take the Clomid at night, but she said I should be taking it in the morning... not so sure I like this idea, but oh well, if tweaking my schedule a little and having hotflashes all day help me to get pregnant then so be it!

Three Out of Four

So if you also follow my posts on WTE.com, you have already read this, but of course I need to also post it here as well.

I am always saying how everyone else around me is pregnant, but this week takes the cake.  Out of the past 4 days, I have found out another friend of mine is pregnant... Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, all brings new babies-to-be.  But, as always, there is a new twist this week...

One of them is my sister.

Now, before I got into my own venting, I want to say that I am 100% happy for my sister.  She is my best friend, I love her to pieces and she will be a wonderful mom!

But... (there's always a but)

I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me really sad and quite a bit jealous.  The second I got off the phone with  her, I started balling crying (big thanks to Provera).  It makes me feel like such a bad person, especially when my own sister was afraid to tell me because she was worried I would be mad at her.  I should just be happy for her, but all I can think about is how it isn't me or how its supposed to be me.  But thats not fair at all to her. 

And this is now all on the wake of a second phone call with my Dr to discuss doing an IUI this round.  My husband and I originally wanted to try a successful ovulation round with good old-fashion baby-dancing, but she is now suggesting that we move on to IUI, as it will help almost double our chances of getting pregnant (considering I actually ovulate this cycle).  I am fine with this idea, but it also makes me a little sad... almost like I am even more broken than I originally thought. 

Why does the world seem to hate me??

UPDATE: Just wanted to let everyone know that the week ended at 5 out of 7... bah!

Rollercoaster Ride

Sorry its been a few days since my last post.  If you haven't alread heard, DC has been hit with what is being called a "Snowpocalyspe".  In Fairfax, we got 28+ inches of snow, and they are expecting another 10-20 inches to hit tonight and tomorrow.  I have never in my life seen so much snow!  Here are a couple pictures from my cellphone of my front walkway and back patio:

Anyway, on to whats been going on these past few days.  For starters, as you know, I've been taking Provera, and am currently on Day 7 (only 3 more days, Thank GOD).  This time around, I haven't been quite as mean (with the exception of when I was trying to help my husband shovel our cars out... there may have been some fightin' words), but I definitely feel more emotional.  I have breakdowns over the smallest things, mostly TV shows and movies, but other things as well (more on this later).  Also, something new I hate about the Provera is that is tricks Fertility Friend into thinking I ovulated.  I hate it, because I know it isn't true.

Yesterday was a rough day.  I woke up to see yet another friend of mine who is pregnant... I usually handle this well until the total number builds up, and then I crash, which is what happened yesterday.  I'm truely happy for them, but can't lie... I wish it were me!

I also had my phone-back appointment with my RE.  This was a rollercoaster, let me tell you.  My appointment was for 5:30, and I assumed I was supposed to call her.  So I did, only to find out the office closes at 5:00, and I didn't have a direct number.  I got so desperate, I called the urgent call center just to see if they could help (which they couldn't).  This resulted in complete hysterics!  Coupled with the fact that yet another friend was pregnant, I had a complete mental breakdown.  I felt like nothing ever went right!  Low and behold, it turns out when you appointment is afterhours, the doctor calls you, which she did about 15 minutes later.  I had to pull myself together and act like I wasn't just throwing the biggest temper tantrum of my life.

So on to the phone-back (and otherwise, status update), as you know, this past round of Clomid at 150 mg did not work, so we have a new plan.  Starting today, I will be taking Metformin, and once AF starts, I'll do Clomid 100 mg CD3-7 and FSH injections CD7-9, with a follow-up u/s on CD10.  I'm really excited about the injections but also apprehensive.  So far, my insurance company has been paying for all these RE treatments, as I updated my insurance plan for 2010, but I know the total cost of the FSH can be up to $600, and I don't know if my insurance will cover it.  Right now, I am awaiting the prior authorization, which could take up to 5-days... don't they know you can't make a crazy hormone induced lady wait FIVE DAYS?!  Thats crazy talk.

Infertility Classified as a Disease

I learned from another blogger (Hurdles of Life, Love, and Family) that the World Health Organization has classified Infertility as a disease.  Read the press release here.

What do you think?  Like someone else said to me, maybe this means more insurance companies will help with treatments now.  Let's hope. 

I've lucked out this year because I upgraded my insurance plan to cover up to $10,000 in treatments (after a $500 deductible), plus coverage of all prescriptions and tests (including all those pesky ultrasounds I've been getting lately).  I have to pay an additional $2,000 over the course of the year on the premium, but I think we will get at least that back in tests and treatments.  I think it was a good idea.  Some people, though, do not have that option.  Even though I would much rather everything be covered, I'm lucky to have any coverage and I think everyone should have this option.  It's sad that some people may never have the chance to start a family because of the overwhelming cost of getting pregnant. 

Officially Out

The doctor just called and confirmed what I really already knew.  My follicles aren't developing as planned, and my estrogen and LH levels do not indicate ovulation is anywhere near.  They said I could wait it out and see, but right now I am in a medically good position to start Provera and move on to the next cycle.  So, after work, I'll be running by the drug store and starting today.

Fun times, right?  I don't know about everyone else, but the last time I took Provera (in August 2009), I was miserable... down-right mean.  There were several four and five letter words that described me.  Alot of people told me the hormones in Clomid would bring out my mean side, but really, that didn't happen with me.  The worst part of the Clomid was how emotional I was.  I would cry at commercials and any happy or sad moment on any movie or TV show.  So, no, I was not a meanie on the Clomid.  Provera, however, made me uber-evil.  I'm not sure how anyone around me could stand me.  And what was worse was I KNEW how mean I was being, and I could not stop myself.  I swear, it was like another person walking around in a Lindsay suit!

Needless to say, I'm not happy.  I was silly to think my first cycle with the RE would be a successful one.  I have a phone-back appointment with my RE on Monday, where we will discuss whats next.  I'm hoping to move on to injectable meds, but we will see.

Had A Good Time With This One Last Night

What will your babies look like... maybe...??

No Dice...

No such luck, it seems, for this cycle.  Today is CD21, and I had yet another follow up u/s (this was number 4).  My lead follicle was only 10-11mm... which, confuses the heck out of me.  On Sunday (CD18), the lead follicle was 13mm, so please tell me how it is back to 11mm again (which is what it measured for both my first and second u/s).  Do I somehow have magical disappearing follicles???

So, at the end of this appointment, I didn't get the cheerful "We'll check again in a few days"... It was more "Well, by now the Clomid should be working, and isn't, so we can give you Provera so you can move onto your next cycle".

I'm super frustrated.  My last few cycles, I have O'ed, but very late (CD26-29 range).  I was really hoping with the increase in dose, this cycle would be even earlier, but guess not.

And now I am torn.  Should I go ahead and start with the Provera or wait it out to see if I O late?

Time to make a Pro/Con list, I suppose...

Barren Wasteland

My Reproductive System...

Hey, might as well try to add a little humor to my down day...

They're Here Already???

After only a few months into our TTC journey, I started to notice anyone and everyone else around me who was getting pregnant.  For about about a solid month, everytime I logged onto Facebook, another one of my friends was pregnant.  Then it moved into my place of work.  Allllll the women around me were getting pregnant, all the while I sit by and wonder "Why not me??"

Well, I'd like to think I got over it (at least a little bit...).  Yes, it was miserable knowing everyone had it sooo easy (When, in reality, how did I know that?  Who is to say they didn't go through all this stuff, too?), while we had so much trouble, but I learned to take it as it came and just deal with it cycle to cycle.

But today is a down day for me.  Not because more of my friends are pregnant (though, that is still happening), but because all those people who got pregant in the first six months of us TTC are now having their babies.  The past three days at work, I have gotten emails about someone having their baby.  I think its great, I am SO happy for them, but all this does is remind me how long this is taking.  I feel like I am being lapped...

I remember finding out a friend of mind was pregnant right at the same time my husband and I started trying.  She gave birth in October.  That was my first reminder of how long this is taking.  And now I am getting daily updates.  It sucks having to be the bigger person when all I want to do it scream about how unfair it all really is...

The Little Engine That Could

Yesterday (Sunday), I had a CD18 follow-up ultrasound.  To refresh your memory, I had ultrasounds on both CD12 and CD15, both of which showed my lead follicle at only 11mm.  To be able to proceed with the trigger (hCG) shot, your lead follicle needs to be at least 18 to 20mm.  So, needless to say, I was not progressing as I should on this round of Clomid (150mg CD5-9).

Ideally, your follicles should grow 2-3mm per day.  At my follow up appointment yesterday (3 days after my last ultrasound), my lead follicle was at 13mm.  Not too much progression, but at least I am getting somewhere... even if it is only 2mm in 3 days.  The doctor doesn't think this progression is caused by the Clomid, though, because you should expect to see a ready follicle by CD18.  Which bascially means I am suffering these hot flashes and night sweats for nada.  Good times.

So, I'm still in the waiting game, but at least I am starting to feel like I am getting somewhere.  I'll go back on Wednesday, CD21, and hopefully my progress will improve.  Keep your fingers crossed!!