Keep trying to talk myself down

For the past 48 hours, I feel like I have been completely insane. Little things drive me over the edge.

For starters, yesterday, I met with my endocrinologist regarding the pregnancy. To give a little background on myself, I was diagnosed with a very bad case of hyperthyroidism at age 15. At the time, I was the youngest person in Virginia to be diagnosed and it was so bad, I was actually hospitalized for an extended period of time. I had radioactive iodine treatment and have been "hypo" ever since. I had a great endocrinologist, Dr. G, who oversaw all my treatments and to whom I continued to see through college. Then, right when I moved to DC, he retired. Sad, sad day for me. Ever since, I have been through several new doctors, each as bad as the next. I must have just been really lucky because every endo doctor I have met since has been a complete jackass. I eventually just have to give up hope and move on.

So now I see Dr. Z, who I admit is to the point and effective, but he talks so fast it drives me crazy. He really has a knack for making me feel like just another number and is not really interested at all in any of my questions. I, of course, had a ton now that I am officially pregnant, but I feel like everything was blown off. On top of that, he had the nerve to answer a personal call on his cell while I was sitting right there. That is the sort of thing that drives me crazy... especially when he didn't even apologize afterwards for doing it. So I left the office in not too great of a mood, thinking I would just have to save all my questions for my OB.

This morning I had work drama, but I was dealing with it OK because I thought I would have my updated beta results today. I had my blood draw at 7:30 am, and thought I would get results by this afternoon. WRONG. Won't be in until tomorrow because the test is sent offsite. WTF? If I had known that, I would have pushed to come in yesterday, not today. I wanted to know everything was going well, as I am going out of town this weekend for my Birthday. Naturally, I got angry about it, and stopped dealing with my work drama so well. Now I'm in a terrible mood.

It makes me worried that I am in such a bad mood now. It totally seems like PMS, but I'm hoping its just another pregnancy symptom. Today I am 18DPO and at 4w4d.

Update: Just to reiterate how crazy I have become, I just used a stray OPK midstream test I located in my purse just to ease my mind that all is still OK.  It was of course super positive and within 30 seconds, so that hopefully can calm me down until the beta results come in tomorrow... but I thought this was funny since I'm like an HPT junkie... and just like any junkie, when you can't get a hold of the real thing (in this case, a HPT or the beta results), you move onto the cheap replacement (in this case, the OPK).  Its like a crack addit with cold medicine.