Thursday, June 24, 2010

Excitement and Nerves

I'm so excited about the coming days, I feel like I am going to boil over.  For starters, my dad is driving up this weekend and bringing the nursery furniture I bought last month.  I am so excited to not only have it, but to be able to take everything out of the box and joyfully give the hubby directions on where to put everything, while I judge from a distance.  I can't wait to start figuring out what the layout will be.  Maybe the arrival of the furniture will help me decide on some bedding I like, since I still am not having much luck.

I'm also reallly excited for our next ultrasound, which is scheduled for this coming Monday.  For every other ultrasound, I have been a ball of nerves the entire week beforehand, worried that something has gone wrong.  I'd be lying if I said I still wasn't a little nervous, but I'm surprised to find I'm more excited and anxious and happy than worried, which is a first.  Maybe I'm starting to relax a little now that I'm about halfway through the pregnancy. 

I always feel so guilty being as nervous as I am, because luckily (if that is the right word) I have never had to go through the heartbreak and sorrow of a miscarriage.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever had to experience this.  I cannot begin to imagine.  I feel very fortunate and lucky that it hasn't happened to me.  But, it has been a huge concern for me the entire time I have been pregnant.  Maybe its because it took us almost a year and a half to get pregnant, or maybe its because I've seen some many women affected by miscarriages that I am in constant fear.  I remember when I told a close girlfriend that I was pregnant, very very early on (hey, I had to tell SOMEONE), her first words (after Congratulations of course) were basically to let me know it is very common to lose a pregnancy early on, especially your first.  I was in shock.  I knew the possibilities, but to hear it out loud just shocked me.  Granted, this woman was 8 months pregnant at the time, and had suffered a miscarriage before this pregnancy, so I tried to move past it, but its been in my head ever since. 

So why am I talking about miscarriages now?  Good question.  I guess my point is that for the first time, I feel like I'm not going into this ultrasound with a sure feeling something has gone wrong.  For once, there is excitement and joy and I just cannot wait to see my boys again.  I just have to get through the weekend!


  1. Wow, I think you and I were just typing our posts at the same time about the same feelings. I agree!

  2. I can completely understand your feelings. I've also always felt the same even though I've never had one and delivered my first child 2 years ago. I think it is hard to shake that feeling. Even though I am just at the end of my first trimester I still feel nervous, even though I've never gone through miscarriage. It's hard to not be afraid when so many women have problems with it.

    I'm glad that you can sit back, relax, and finally enjoy your next ultrasound.

    I'm also so jealous you get to see your little guys so often. I haven't seen my bean since a little over 6 weeks.. and probably won't until the gender ultrasound. Way to long if you ask me.