Excitement and Nerves

I'm so excited about the coming days, I feel like I am going to boil over.  For starters, my dad is driving up this weekend and bringing the nursery furniture I bought last month.  I am so excited to not only have it, but to be able to take everything out of the box and joyfully give the hubby directions on where to put everything, while I judge from a distance.  I can't wait to start figuring out what the layout will be.  Maybe the arrival of the furniture will help me decide on some bedding I like, since I still am not having much luck.

I'm also reallly excited for our next ultrasound, which is scheduled for this coming Monday.  For every other ultrasound, I have been a ball of nerves the entire week beforehand, worried that something has gone wrong.  I'd be lying if I said I still wasn't a little nervous, but I'm surprised to find I'm more excited and anxious and happy than worried, which is a first.  Maybe I'm starting to relax a little now that I'm about halfway through the pregnancy. 

I always feel so guilty being as nervous as I am, because luckily (if that is the right word) I have never had to go through the heartbreak and sorrow of a miscarriage.  My heart goes out to everyone who has ever had to experience this.  I cannot begin to imagine.  I feel very fortunate and lucky that it hasn't happened to me.  But, it has been a huge concern for me the entire time I have been pregnant.  Maybe its because it took us almost a year and a half to get pregnant, or maybe its because I've seen some many women affected by miscarriages that I am in constant fear.  I remember when I told a close girlfriend that I was pregnant, very very early on (hey, I had to tell SOMEONE), her first words (after Congratulations of course) were basically to let me know it is very common to lose a pregnancy early on, especially your first.  I was in shock.  I knew the possibilities, but to hear it out loud just shocked me.  Granted, this woman was 8 months pregnant at the time, and had suffered a miscarriage before this pregnancy, so I tried to move past it, but its been in my head ever since. 

So why am I talking about miscarriages now?  Good question.  I guess my point is that for the first time, I feel like I'm not going into this ultrasound with a sure feeling something has gone wrong.  For once, there is excitement and joy and I just cannot wait to see my boys again.  I just have to get through the weekend!