I've been a bad blogger

Ever since I found out I am pregnant, I feel like I am terrible at blogging... updates just don't see to come as often as they did through the IF cycles, and I'd hate to think I'm coming on here just to whine about how crappy I feel... but anyway, here are a few updates with me.

Last weekend, the hubs and I walked in the March of Dimes "March for Babies" walk. I was REALLY nervous about this. I used to walk for miles and miles before getting pregnant, but ever since, I have just been too worn out, and I was so worried I would get halfway through the 4.5 mile walk and crash out. Not only did this not happen, but hubby and I finished as some of the first people. The walk itself was great. It was around Reston, VA, and Lake Anne, and beautiful. It would have been nice to be a few degrees warmer, but once we started going, everything was OK.

Our situation with Layla is ever changing. We decided, after LOTS of debate, to proceed with chemo. I'm not going to lie, it’s expensive, and likely only going to buy her another year or two, but hubby really wanted to know he did everything he could to help her before giving up. We agreed this was the last thing we could do, and if the cancer showed up elsewhere, we would not put her through additional surgeries and treatments. She had her first round this week, and will have a total of 5 over the next 10 weeks. Honestly, I think hubby just needed her to be here when the babies come, which is why he decided to go through with the treatments. She is in good spirits after the first round, hasn't been sick at all, so we hope she stays this way the whole time.

And lastly, the babies. As far as I know, the babies are doing great. Our last ultrasound was about a week ago, and they were right on target. I was getting a little nervous because my symptoms were changing. During weeks 5-8, I was miserable. Sick 24-7... Not necessarily throwing up, just sick all the time... and tired... I wasn't eating much at all. Then all of a sudden, right as Week 9 began, I started feeling great. No more sickness at all (or, well, BARELY… still some, but in comparison, it was barely noticeable). Still some exhaustion, but I was eating again, and it was great. I was so worried that it meant something was wrong, since I had expected it to stick around for a while longer... well, shame on me for worrying because today, it is back in full force. I've spent more of my day in the bathroom than at my actual desk. I am so hungry, but everything tastes and smells terrible. Ugh. I might try to bail out early and get back in the bed!

I've found being pregnant with twins makes hiding a pregnancy much harder... I feel like I look more pregnant than all the other pregnant (and further along) people around me. I even expressed this concern with my doctor who looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Well, you ARE having two babies…" I just needed to know it was normal, since all I read says you don't start to show until the second trimester.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I don't have another appointment until May 7th (2 weeks from today!!), which will be 11w5d. I can't wait to see how big they have gotten!

8w4d and another doctor's appointment

First off, I want to say thank you to everyone for all your kind words about Layla.  We are still waiting for her oncologist appointment, but we also want to be realistic in knowing she likely will not be with us much longer.  We just want to make her last months with us happy ones.

Second, I had another appointment today, my first real OB appointment with my new doctor too.  We decided to change doctors as we moved late last year and are closer to a different hospital now.  Anyone from DC/Northern VA knows the traffic is terrible, and we didn't want to risk labor during rush hour to a hospital 30 minutes away.  So instead, we will now be going to iNova Fairfax which is just a few miles down the road.

I really like this new doctor.  She was cheery and fun and excited.  A step up from my last OB who was a bit of a downer.  We got to see the babies again and it was exciting to see how much they have grown in 2 weeks.  They were measuring right on target, give or take a day or so.  Their heartbeats were great at 171 and 174 bpm.  It was crazy to hear, its so fast!  Here's the latest pic... again, I took this with my phone, so the quality sucks, but you can at least get an idea...

One of the babies is facing head on, and was waving at us, and the other is sideways.  They looked like little gummy bears.  It was really exciting.  They decided to change my due date by one day, so I am now due November 21st.

As far as symptoms, I still feel pretty miserable, but I think it might be getting better.  I can stomach some meat now, but not a lot, and there have actually been a few meals where I didn't want to roll over and die immediately afterwards.  I still feel sick alot, but I've been fighting throwing up hardcore, cause I HATE throwing up.  So, I'm having "reverse morning sickness"... that's all I'm gonna say for fear of breaching TMI territories, but I think you should be able to get the picture.  And trust me, it's no good.  And of course, I'm still exhausted all the time.  My bedtime has pretty much become between 8:30 and 9 each night.  It's sad, cause I'm usually a night owl. 

My next appointment is in 4 week, so right into the beginning of my second trimester.

Puppy Update

This is again off topic, but being that Layla is basically our first child, I feel very inclined to discuss what is going on here. As you probably remember, last week was very trying for us as Layla had to have emergency surgery to remove her spleen after a tumor was found. She stayed in the hospital for 3 days, and finally came on late Thursday. She was pretty pitiful all weekend, but she has been coming around to her old self, and by today, she seems almost normal. She isn't allowed to go up and down stairs right now, so my hubby has been sleeping downstairs in the living room with her.

But right when everything seemed to be getting better, the biopsy results come back, and it's not good. The tumor was a Grade II malignant mast cell tumor, and its likely the cells have moved on to other places in her body well before we even found the tumor. We have to see an oncologist to determine what our next steps are, but even with chemo, it doesn't look like she will be around very much longer, likely only 6 months or so.

As you can imagine, my husband and I are devastated. I never in a million years would have thought Layla wouldn't be here to meet our babies and grow up with them. She is only 7 1/2 years old, and granted, has gone through a lot (doggie ACL surgery on both hind legs, mast cell tumors on her skin removed, pancreatitis, etc), but we felt like we still have several years with her. My husband is especially upset. He was given Layla at only 4 weeks old, and spent the Christmas vacation at home bottle feeding her. She fit in the palm of his hand, and now she is 80 lbs. They have been attached at the hip ever since, so much so that when we first started living together, she had a nice way of crawling between us at night and pushing me out of the bed at night so she could be in bed alone with him. But I must have grown on her after some time because she very much recognizes me as the mommy.

Please keep our baby girl in your thoughts, and us as we likely will have to make some difficult decisions in the coming months.

So sick of feeling sick

Let me start by saying I HATE complaining about being pregnant.  I really do.  I know its annoying out there to all the women who wish they were pregnant.  I used to curse pregnant women who complained, because whatever they were going through couldn't possibly be as bad as not going through it... at least in my mind.  So everyone out there who is still TTC and wants to smack me, I totally understand and do not blame you one bit.

But now, it seems, the shoe is on the other foot because I am so SICK of feeling so sick.  Seriously, I am miserable.  I can barely eat anything, yet I am starving, and the second food hits my mouth, I want to vomit and die.  Its unfair... I should either be sick feeling or starving, not both. 

Plus I'm so tired, that my head feels like it could explode and I am completely worthless.  Yesterday, I stayed home from work to watch Miss Layla (who finally came home from the doggie hospital, yay!), and really wanted to get some cleaning done, as I have been so lazy the last few weeks and done nothing... yeah, the most I got done was putting our shoes by the door away and starting the dishwasher... the rest of the day was spent on the sofa pretending to do some work.

I just feel so bad and not myself.  I'm usually very active - I love to take long walks, especially in nice weather, but I don't have the energy... I usually keep a VERY tidy house but I have no desire to keep it up... I'm grouchy, sleepy, my tummy hurts all the time (like AF is around the corner), and I can't stop peeing.  I know that feeling so miserable is a good thing, because it means everything is OK, but I get so jealous of other women who are pregnant and say they feel great.

OK, enough with the complaining... sorry for the vent but I'm just having a particularly rough feeling day and wanted to get it off my chest.  Everyone have a great weekend!

And in other news... insert sad face here :(

I wanted to mention this in my previous post, but it just became too long. I really wanted to share why we had been so busy lately.

This past weekend, while visiting family in Blacksburg, VA, our dog became very sick. She was very lethargic and weak, so we took her to a local animal hospital. They did blood work and decided she had auto immune disease. They sent us home with meds and said she should be better after a long stint on steroids. Well, after two days, she just seemed worse, so on Monday, we took her to her regular vet. They also did blood work, which showed elevated white blood cells, and low red blood cells and platelets. With this information, and because of some previous issues she had, they decided to do an abdominal x-ray, and found a tumor on her spleen. We were told to take her to a local surgery center for an ultrasound, which not only confirmed the diagnosis, but also shows the tumor was perforated and she was bleeding internally. As a result, she was rushed into surgery yesterday.

Both my husband and I are very stressed and sad over this situation. We were told they got the whole tumor, but had to remove her spleen. They will be biopsing the tumor to determine if it is malignant, and if so, she will likely have to start chemo treatments, since it could have spread on a microscopic level. There is no guarantee this will not come back.

My husband is especially upset by the news. He found Layla at 4 weeks old and had to bottle feed her. They have a bond that I have never before seen, and he is literally torn to pieces over it, especially being struck by the realization that she may not be with us much longer. We are praying and hoping for the best, but also expecting the worst. He is especially sad that our babies may never get to know her.

So please keep our baby girl in your thoughts. She truly is a big part of our family, and we really hope she improves soon.

Almost 2 months down

Sorry I haven't posted in about a week, but things have been really crazy here. There isn't a lot on the update front; my symptoms are staying strong at fatigue and nausea, but I've managed not to actually throw up... which in my eyes is one big fat plus.

Today I'm 7w2d, and I hate to say I think I look pregnant, or if not pregnant, then deffo fat. I can cover is up easily with flowy shirts and dresses, but I can see my pot belly forming. I know its super early, but I just keep telling myself its cause I'm carrying twins. I'm not sure if that is actually warranted, but it makes me feel better. It probably doesn't help that the only foods I can stomach are pasta and other carbs... I'm living off Ramen and those Knoll Pasta Sides, and grilled cheese sandwiches, and cereal, and pot-pies. I despise meat right now. I can't even look at it, and I especially can’t smell it... the only meat I have eaten in the past 2 weeks was a fried bologna sandwich my hubby made this past weekend.... who would have thought bologna would be the meat for me, right now anyway.... I can't wait for this picky food stage to end cause I miss eating real meals.

This past weekend, we finally told my hubby's family that we are expecting. My family was told two weeks ago (mostly because they were so aware of our IF treatments), but no one in his family knew. We were all together for a party and we took the time to share the news. Now, I have to say, I warned my husband that he needed to tell his mother beforehand (separately from the group), but he apparently didn't think I knew what I was talking about (and actually went so far as to insinuate I was crazy for even suggesting it), so instead, he shared it in a group setting... and of course, she got mad at us. She wanted to be told alone (aka, I was right), and took a few minutes to get over it before being able to actually congratulate us.

Everyone, of course, is very happy. The only people who know now are our families... so we are running damage control to keep the news from spreading. Basically, we have to monitor our Facebook accounts, because we keep getting "Congrats on the twins!" messages on our walls. We know they mean well, but we want to wait until the 2nd trimester to break the news. Funny enough, I went from being jealous of all the pregnant people I saw on Facebook, to being jealous they are sharing their own news, especially when I see someone who isn't very far along. I want to share it so bad, but I also want to be sure everything is good. I think most everyone who has been TTC for an extended period of time knows where I am coming from.

So wow, this actually has become a lot longer than I had anticipated. Our first OB appointment is next Thursday morning, and we'll be getting another ultrasound. Everyone keep your fingers crossed it goes well! We can't wait to see out babies again!

Shock me, Shock me, Shock me...

Sorry I didn't get around to posting yesterday; I was just all over the place. As you know, we had our first ultrasound yesterday. I've been so nervous leading up to that moment, but I'm happy to say that not only is everything OK, but we have TWO happy and healthy babies...

That's right... TWINS. I am in a state of shock. Twins do runin my family, and I was at an increased risk with the IF treatments, but my beta levels did not lead the doctors or me to believe this would happen, as it was right on par with doubling every 48 hours. The last beta test I had was at 4w4d, and the ultrasound happened at 6w2d. Soooo, yeah.

What I think is even better is how we found out. There wasn't a celebrated "Oh, look, TWINS!", as I would have expected. Instead, there I was, on the table and probed while my husband stands behind me. The tech began her search and immediately my husband and I thought something looked a little off. But before we could say anything, the tech had closed the u/s screen and opened a data entry screen, where she casually changed the number of fetuses from 1 to 2... and so of course I said, "There's two in there?!" The tech and observing doctor were both very nonchalant and just laughed at the shock on my husband and my face.

But we quickly got over the shock (momentarily anyway), with lots of comments along the lines of "Well, looks like we knocked all the kids out at once" or "We need to take up some extra jobs". We really couldn't be happier. While it’s a bit overwhelming, we are excited about this chapter in our lives. Both babies were great, measuring just a day behind what we expected, and with strong heartbeats of 120 bpm. That was the most wonderful thing in the world to hear!  We do have to wait a few weeks before we find out if they are identical or fraternal, which we will know once the placenta takes over.

So now I feel like I understand why I have felt so miserable so early on... I'm getting a double dose!

Our next appointment is on April 15th, and this will be the first with our new OB. We're very excited, especially since we'll get new u/s pics. Yay!

(and on a side note, I apologize the attached pics are blurry; I took them with my cell phone).