In the Beginning...

To be completely honest with you, I'm not entirely sure at what point I decided to start this blog. I feel like there has been a dozen times over the past year where I've found myself thinking, "Wow, you really can't make this stuff up, I should seriously pass along this information." But deep down, I really thought it was pointless... who really reads blogs? Then I found myself getting sucked into the lives of people I barely knew just trying to get a handle on the crazy things going on in my life.

So, that’s how I got here. I've decided after a very stressful year, a perfectly good outlet for me would be to put it all out there in the open. I decided at the very least, someone who is in the same position I found myself in over a year ago would find the information useful, and possibly entertaining. The intent it to focus on the decision to start a family, but who knows, it could expand.

I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. That brings us to January 2009. After months and months of discussion with my husband, we made the momentous decision to try and have a baby. We had been together for almost seven years, and married for one and a half. It was the next logical step. So, we started as most do, naively! We thought "OK, we'll stop using protection and will be pregnant in no time"... well, flash forward to June 2009. Not only are we NOT pregnant, but my system has essentially shut down. Who would have known that the birth control pills I have been pumping into my body for the last 10 years would basically leave my body forgetting what to do. No period. No ovulation. Nada... just a dusty old barren wasteland (at least in my opinion). Six months into our journey, and I was already more frustrated than I ever thought possible. A bazillion questions flooded my brain... Was this normal? Was I broken? Have I wasted thousands of dollars in birth control pills over the years? Will this EVER work?

Well, who better to ask than the professionals? I set up an appointment in June, and literally one hour after making the call to my doctor, Aunt Flo decides to make an appearance, almost 5 months late! I decide to keep the appointment and really just get the run around about how everything is probably fine now and it just takes a few months for the hormones to get out of your system... jump to August, another 7 weeks later, and my doctor finally decides she can run some tests (thanks so much... eight months in). So after a week or so of poking (with needles) and prodding (with actual probes), it was finally determined there was nothing wrong with us (yes, my husband had the wonderful joy of being tested on as well).

Sooo... there's nothing wrong. That’s strange considering nothing is working. My doctor decides to start a few rounds of Clomid to see if that will get the system going... and with each cycle a big fat NO. Just increase the dose and keep on going with no luck. Finally, I find myself in December, a year in and with no luck or progress. After a lot of discussion (and drinks), my husband and I decide its time to see an Infertility Doctor.

Enter Dr. K, who is hopefully our lifesaver. We actually felt like we were starting to get some answers as to what was going on, and form a plan of action on how to fix it. We decide to start our third round of Clomid, this time at a triple dose of 150 mg for 5 days, and monitor my development during the cycle... Once my follicles (basically what’s developing the egg) are ready, we'll trigger with an hCG shot.

Oooh, the hCG shot. I'm terrified of this. Not because I'm afraid of shots, but because my husband gets the job of administering it. I feel like people are supposed to be licensed to do this sort of thing. But no, they just give him a handout and a needle and set him free. And I'm supposed to be OK with him jabbing a needle in my stomach. Ugh, it gives me a headache just thinking about it. But I'm getting ahead of myself; we aren't even there yet...

Last week, I had the wonderful pleasure of getting an HSG... Google it, its wonderful.. NOT. As with everything that ever happens to me, I had the worst experience ever. The short and long of it is they inject dye into your uterus and tubes to check to blockages. But in order to do that, they have to inject a catheter through your cervix and inflate a small balloon to keep in in place... guess who's balloon didn't want to stay in place? MINE, of course. So basically, the most painful part of the procedure had to be repeated on me three times before it would stay. I thought my insides were going to explode. Luckily, they didn't, and the test finally finished, and everything was in order. If anything ever was blocked, its cleared out now...I genuinely think I could devote a whole post on this procedure, so I'll save any more thoughts on the matter for a later date.

So today is Cycle Day 12 of my first cycle with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist, aka, infertility doctor, Dr. K). I took the 150 mg of Clomid on Days 5-9, and had my follow up ultrasound today... yup, I got wanded, as I like to call it. No one ever told me they did internal ultrasounds. I walked into the room the first time and saw the instrument and automatically thought "sex toy"... So mature, I know. But I digress, its nothing. You barely feel it and I honestly find humor in telling my girlfriends about it. ANYWAY, I had my u/s today, but no dice. The follicles need to be at least 18mm to trigger, but my largest was only 10mm. So, back to the waiting game right now. I'll go back in a few days to see how much they have grown.

The worst parts of waiting are the side effects from the Clomid. The first two rounds weren't so bad (probably because the dose was lower), with just some cramping and headaches. This round is miserable for me. Two words: Hot Flashes... ugh, miserable. I can barely sleep at night I'm so hot. My husband is all bundled in his warm flannel PJ pants under our big fluffy down comforter, while I am sweating, down to my underwear, on top of the blankets, basically in tears. The best part is the symptoms tend to stick around until you ovulate... which means I have about another week of this crap!

So that is my story, for the moment. I am now engulfed in the world of baby-making... and driving myself, my husband, and probably anyone within a 50 mile radius insane. I'll keep it open and honest with you, as best I can!