Son of a....

Ugh, I'm so pissed.  I made it almost 34 weeks without a single stretch mark, and must have gotten a bit cocky about that, because they have shown up.  All weekend, the underside of my stomach (to the left of my navel, and area I cannot see) was itching like crazy.  I finally got out some mirrors to check it out, and there they were, two little stretch marks.  Its nothing too terrible yet, but I'm sure this is just the start.  Apparently all the "lubing up" and excessive water drinking didn't help.  I thought I'd be lucky, considering my mom did not get stretch marks, but doesn't seem so.  Oh well!!

I've also hit hard into the "third trimester insomnia".  I've had to start taking a Benadryl at night to sleep, but even last night that didn't help.  I think I got a combined total of 30 minutes of sleep.  Its making today pretty rough!

Other than that, there really isn't much going on right now (just trying to stay off my feet... have to make it through this week to stay on track with my FMLA plans).  We had planned to take care of a lot of baby related items this weekend, but ended up just spending time with Layla.  She was doing really good this weekend, but got sick this morning.  The hardest part for us right now is the waiting.  We have no idea when the cancer is really going to hit her.  It could be tonight, it could be next month.  Its causing a lot of stress, both because the idea of her passing away breaks our heart, but also because the babies are expected in about a month.  It really is the worst timing we could ever have.  It wouldn't be easy regardless, but the timing definitely makes it even harder.  Our biggest fear is that I will go into labor right at the same time she has another collapse. 

Starting to Fall Apart... Physically that is

I've been pretty lucky during my pregnancy.  Really, no issues, and not too much in the way of symptoms.  I had some morning sickness for all of 3 weeks during the first trimester, but that's really been it.  So apparently, I've been too lucky, because I feel like everything is coming in waves now.

(Disclaimer, none of what I am about to list would I consider to be "serious", just annoying).

It of course started last week with my new found emotional issues, but continued on Friday.  Eric and I packed up after work and headed to Lynchburg for my shower weekend (which was awesome, BTW).  We walk into my parent's house after the 3 hour drive, only to have my "cankles" pointed out... by my father no less (I would sooner expect something like this to come from my mother).  I looked down, and boy was he right.  Not only had I lost all definition in my ankles (I'm pretty sure there used to be bones there), but my feet themselves looked like hams.  They were so swollen even the pads of my feet were squishy.  It was disturbing to say the least, and they haven't gone back to normal.  Now the only shoes that fit are flip flops, so I guess I'll be hitting up DSW soon.

The swelling didn't stop there, though.  My hands had to join in the fun.  My wedding rings are officially stored for the duration of the pregnancy, which I HATE more than words can say.  Granted, my fingers were a size 5-5.5 pre-pregnancy, so pretty small.  And I am still probably smaller than a 7 right now, but since my hands overall are pretty small, I feel like I have sausages for fingers right now.  No fun.

Then the icing on the cake came this morning... I was brushing my teeth in my groggy stupor, when I looked in the mirror to see blood dripping down my face.  Yup, first bloody nose... EVER; I was lucky enough to miss out on this fun for the past 28 years.  I have never had a bloody nose before.  Not in my entire life.  I knew it was a common symptom in pregnancy, but I had yet to have to deal with it.  How did I react to this?  The only way a perfectly sane person could... start screaming and run back into the bedroom to frantically ask Eric how to make it stop (I admit, I'm a bit of a baby when it comes to blood).  It stopped pretty quickly, but has gone off and on all day. 

So I can only imagine what other annoying new symptoms I can expect to see in the next 10 to less weeks.  Good times!!

The Promised Land

I am so relieved to say that I only woke up ONCE last night to pee.  Now, this may not seem like a big deal to the rest of you, but to me, it's wonderful.  I have been waiting for that point when I hit the second trimester and the frequent urination starts to subside.  I swear, for the entire duration of the first trimester, I was waking up every hour (maybe every two hours if I was lucky) to relieve myself... sometimes up to 7-8 times a night.  This was making me beyond miserable, as it kept me from really being able to fall asleep all the way. 

Even before I was pregnant, I woke up at least once to use the bathroom, so I feel like I am back to normal... maybe I was just so exhausted that I slept through the need to go, but I really hope this is here to stay!  I actually felt rested most of the day, and it is GREAT!

In other news, my hubby is leaving me tomorrow to go on a 10 day cross-country road trip with his best friend.  Usually, I like having the house to myself, but I'm a little down about it this time... maybe it's because my favorite thing to do when hubby is out of town is open a bottle of wine, order sushi take out, and watch chick flicks that I have no chance of watching when he is home... but two out of those three activities are basically out (and please, I know that I can eat cooked or veggie sushi, but come on, that isn't the same thing).  I decided to spend the long holiday weekend back home with my parents... maybe doing some maternity shopping cause my clothes aren't cutting it so much anymore. 

We both will return home on Memorial Day, and I'm excited for an ultrasound scheduled for the next day at 8:40am.  As I've said before, I'll be 15w2d...probably still too early to determine the sexes 100%, but damn if I'm not going to ask about 100 times.  I don't want to have to wait another 3-5 weeks afterwards to find out, I'm too impatient!

NT Results are IN (and a 12w2d Update)

So I got the results of my NT scan yesterday afternoon and I am VERY happy.  They are as follows:

For Downs Syndrome:
Baby A has a 1 in 8,600 chance
Baby B has a 1 in 7,900 chance

For Trisomy:
Both babies have a 1 in 10,000 chance

These results are GREAT and make me very happy!  I honestly didn't think I was worried about this, until I saw how relived I was with the results.  The nurse said these are results typically seen in someone 20 years or younger, so yay, thanks for taking 8+ years off me for a second! :)  My hubby was so funny when I told him.  He got this look of horror like I was telling him the worst news ever, while I was all excited.  I asked what was wrong and he said, "That doesn't seem like very good results."  I explained to them that they are really low risk and probably the best results we could have wished for, but apparently, he wanted to hear the risk was 1 in 10,000,000 or better.  It was cute.

Now, granted, its a little harder to know the exact numbers in twin pregnancies, since you cannot determine exactly how the blood is shared.  The test assumes 50/50 split and therefore just split my bloodwork results evenly between the two babies, but it could in reality be 60/40 or even 70/30.  You really can never know.  But, with such low results overall, the nurse did not think I had anything to worry about.

And just for fun, I decided to include a baby belly pic.  I have been avoiding these like the plague, as you all know, I have a huge issue with weight gain and feeling out of shape, but I'm trying to get over it and just be happy!  I still worry that I am a little too big for being 12w2d, but I'm going to go with it, and just keep saying "Hey, there are TWO babies in there, crazy woman, this is OK!"  This pic is from this morning.  Excuse the poor quality, but it was taken with my phone.  I'll get better and start using a real camera, I swear.

As far as how I am doing, I'm pretty good. The news from yesterday plus my ultrasound on Friday have put me in a natural high and I feel so much better. I am still exhausted, and have some food aversions (mostly meat other than beef... love the beef, hate the chicken, pork, etc), but overall I feel good most of the time... aside from the occasional nausea and headaches. Now I'm just waiting for these guys to get a little bigger so I can feel them moving around. I hope that happens earlier with twins, but who knows!

I've been a bad blogger

Ever since I found out I am pregnant, I feel like I am terrible at blogging... updates just don't see to come as often as they did through the IF cycles, and I'd hate to think I'm coming on here just to whine about how crappy I feel... but anyway, here are a few updates with me.

Last weekend, the hubs and I walked in the March of Dimes "March for Babies" walk. I was REALLY nervous about this. I used to walk for miles and miles before getting pregnant, but ever since, I have just been too worn out, and I was so worried I would get halfway through the 4.5 mile walk and crash out. Not only did this not happen, but hubby and I finished as some of the first people. The walk itself was great. It was around Reston, VA, and Lake Anne, and beautiful. It would have been nice to be a few degrees warmer, but once we started going, everything was OK.

Our situation with Layla is ever changing. We decided, after LOTS of debate, to proceed with chemo. I'm not going to lie, it’s expensive, and likely only going to buy her another year or two, but hubby really wanted to know he did everything he could to help her before giving up. We agreed this was the last thing we could do, and if the cancer showed up elsewhere, we would not put her through additional surgeries and treatments. She had her first round this week, and will have a total of 5 over the next 10 weeks. Honestly, I think hubby just needed her to be here when the babies come, which is why he decided to go through with the treatments. She is in good spirits after the first round, hasn't been sick at all, so we hope she stays this way the whole time.

And lastly, the babies. As far as I know, the babies are doing great. Our last ultrasound was about a week ago, and they were right on target. I was getting a little nervous because my symptoms were changing. During weeks 5-8, I was miserable. Sick 24-7... Not necessarily throwing up, just sick all the time... and tired... I wasn't eating much at all. Then all of a sudden, right as Week 9 began, I started feeling great. No more sickness at all (or, well, BARELY… still some, but in comparison, it was barely noticeable). Still some exhaustion, but I was eating again, and it was great. I was so worried that it meant something was wrong, since I had expected it to stick around for a while longer... well, shame on me for worrying because today, it is back in full force. I've spent more of my day in the bathroom than at my actual desk. I am so hungry, but everything tastes and smells terrible. Ugh. I might try to bail out early and get back in the bed!

I've found being pregnant with twins makes hiding a pregnancy much harder... I feel like I look more pregnant than all the other pregnant (and further along) people around me. I even expressed this concern with my doctor who looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Well, you ARE having two babies…" I just needed to know it was normal, since all I read says you don't start to show until the second trimester.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I don't have another appointment until May 7th (2 weeks from today!!), which will be 11w5d. I can't wait to see how big they have gotten!

8w4d and another doctor's appointment

First off, I want to say thank you to everyone for all your kind words about Layla.  We are still waiting for her oncologist appointment, but we also want to be realistic in knowing she likely will not be with us much longer.  We just want to make her last months with us happy ones.

Second, I had another appointment today, my first real OB appointment with my new doctor too.  We decided to change doctors as we moved late last year and are closer to a different hospital now.  Anyone from DC/Northern VA knows the traffic is terrible, and we didn't want to risk labor during rush hour to a hospital 30 minutes away.  So instead, we will now be going to iNova Fairfax which is just a few miles down the road.

I really like this new doctor.  She was cheery and fun and excited.  A step up from my last OB who was a bit of a downer.  We got to see the babies again and it was exciting to see how much they have grown in 2 weeks.  They were measuring right on target, give or take a day or so.  Their heartbeats were great at 171 and 174 bpm.  It was crazy to hear, its so fast!  Here's the latest pic... again, I took this with my phone, so the quality sucks, but you can at least get an idea...

One of the babies is facing head on, and was waving at us, and the other is sideways.  They looked like little gummy bears.  It was really exciting.  They decided to change my due date by one day, so I am now due November 21st.

As far as symptoms, I still feel pretty miserable, but I think it might be getting better.  I can stomach some meat now, but not a lot, and there have actually been a few meals where I didn't want to roll over and die immediately afterwards.  I still feel sick alot, but I've been fighting throwing up hardcore, cause I HATE throwing up.  So, I'm having "reverse morning sickness"... that's all I'm gonna say for fear of breaching TMI territories, but I think you should be able to get the picture.  And trust me, it's no good.  And of course, I'm still exhausted all the time.  My bedtime has pretty much become between 8:30 and 9 each night.  It's sad, cause I'm usually a night owl. 

My next appointment is in 4 week, so right into the beginning of my second trimester.

So sick of feeling sick

Let me start by saying I HATE complaining about being pregnant.  I really do.  I know its annoying out there to all the women who wish they were pregnant.  I used to curse pregnant women who complained, because whatever they were going through couldn't possibly be as bad as not going through it... at least in my mind.  So everyone out there who is still TTC and wants to smack me, I totally understand and do not blame you one bit.

But now, it seems, the shoe is on the other foot because I am so SICK of feeling so sick.  Seriously, I am miserable.  I can barely eat anything, yet I am starving, and the second food hits my mouth, I want to vomit and die.  Its unfair... I should either be sick feeling or starving, not both. 

Plus I'm so tired, that my head feels like it could explode and I am completely worthless.  Yesterday, I stayed home from work to watch Miss Layla (who finally came home from the doggie hospital, yay!), and really wanted to get some cleaning done, as I have been so lazy the last few weeks and done nothing... yeah, the most I got done was putting our shoes by the door away and starting the dishwasher... the rest of the day was spent on the sofa pretending to do some work.

I just feel so bad and not myself.  I'm usually very active - I love to take long walks, especially in nice weather, but I don't have the energy... I usually keep a VERY tidy house but I have no desire to keep it up... I'm grouchy, sleepy, my tummy hurts all the time (like AF is around the corner), and I can't stop peeing.  I know that feeling so miserable is a good thing, because it means everything is OK, but I get so jealous of other women who are pregnant and say they feel great.

OK, enough with the complaining... sorry for the vent but I'm just having a particularly rough feeling day and wanted to get it off my chest.  Everyone have a great weekend!

Almost 2 months down

Sorry I haven't posted in about a week, but things have been really crazy here. There isn't a lot on the update front; my symptoms are staying strong at fatigue and nausea, but I've managed not to actually throw up... which in my eyes is one big fat plus.

Today I'm 7w2d, and I hate to say I think I look pregnant, or if not pregnant, then deffo fat. I can cover is up easily with flowy shirts and dresses, but I can see my pot belly forming. I know its super early, but I just keep telling myself its cause I'm carrying twins. I'm not sure if that is actually warranted, but it makes me feel better. It probably doesn't help that the only foods I can stomach are pasta and other carbs... I'm living off Ramen and those Knoll Pasta Sides, and grilled cheese sandwiches, and cereal, and pot-pies. I despise meat right now. I can't even look at it, and I especially can’t smell it... the only meat I have eaten in the past 2 weeks was a fried bologna sandwich my hubby made this past weekend.... who would have thought bologna would be the meat for me, right now anyway.... I can't wait for this picky food stage to end cause I miss eating real meals.

This past weekend, we finally told my hubby's family that we are expecting. My family was told two weeks ago (mostly because they were so aware of our IF treatments), but no one in his family knew. We were all together for a party and we took the time to share the news. Now, I have to say, I warned my husband that he needed to tell his mother beforehand (separately from the group), but he apparently didn't think I knew what I was talking about (and actually went so far as to insinuate I was crazy for even suggesting it), so instead, he shared it in a group setting... and of course, she got mad at us. She wanted to be told alone (aka, I was right), and took a few minutes to get over it before being able to actually congratulate us.

Everyone, of course, is very happy. The only people who know now are our families... so we are running damage control to keep the news from spreading. Basically, we have to monitor our Facebook accounts, because we keep getting "Congrats on the twins!" messages on our walls. We know they mean well, but we want to wait until the 2nd trimester to break the news. Funny enough, I went from being jealous of all the pregnant people I saw on Facebook, to being jealous they are sharing their own news, especially when I see someone who isn't very far along. I want to share it so bad, but I also want to be sure everything is good. I think most everyone who has been TTC for an extended period of time knows where I am coming from.

So wow, this actually has become a lot longer than I had anticipated. Our first OB appointment is next Thursday morning, and we'll be getting another ultrasound. Everyone keep your fingers crossed it goes well! We can't wait to see out babies again!

6 weeks on the dot

So today we are officially 6 weeks pregnant... we have our first ultrasound on Wednesday at 1:45pm and I cannot wait. It’s literally all I can think about... at least between the thoughts of how tired I am or how sick I feel or how much I wish I didn't have boobs right about now. Which, coincidentally, I find to be a great segue way into a status update on my most recent symptoms.

Exhaustion is still the front runner. I could fall asleep mid-conversation, and took two naps on Saturday. I nap a lot... and I fear I'm starting to look like a stoner to those around me at the current moment. I find myself just spaced out all the time. Plus it doesn't help that I wake up 2 to 4 times a night to pee and drink more water.

The nausea is closing in quickly on second. I thought I was pretty lucky thus far in this area, but right now, I feel like I could be sick at any moment. The idea of food makes me want to die. This really has only been going on for a couple days, but I'm already done with it... I cannot wait for this to end, but deep down I know, its just getting started.

Of course, my breasts are killing me. At first, it was just the nipples, but I woke up the other day and wanted to cry. My bras hurt, they hurt when I sleep, even if I just sleep on my side... and my husband doesn't understand that, while they look different and fun, it’s NOT fun to grab right now. I swear if I am touched one more time, I'm gonna gently caress his face with my fist.

I suppose that is all for now... no new and exciting updates thus far. Keep your fingers very crossed that all is well and our ultrasound goes great on Wednesday!

Too early to make the leap

Today I am only 5w2d, and all I can think about is how much I was to wear maternity clothes (and how much I want to eat sauerkraut, but more on that later). I know it is way too early to be at this point, but while I have not gained any weight, my pants literally hurt to wear. I am that bloated, I suppose. I decided to take the happy medium and just go with the belly band. I bought one from Motherhood... then saw Target had the BellaBand, so I bought one of those too. Can't tell which I like more; I just know the BellaBand is a little smaller... I just haven't decided if that’s a good thing yet.

I also, admittedly, bought a pair of maternity jeans from Target. They are under-belly, so they look pretty normal; they just have an elastic waistband which makes them heaven to me. I haven't worn them yet, but I like knowing they are there. Right now, I am just trying to stick with the belly bands and lots of dresses. The weather last week was PERFECT for dresses, but this week is colder and rainy, so we'll see.

I scheduled lots of appointments today. First up will be my first ultrasound, with the RE still. Its scheduled for next Wednesday, March 31st. I cannot wait! I'll be 6w2d and really hope everything is well. After that, I have my first OB appointment. That will be Thursday, April 15, at 8w3d. They will also do an ultrasound. I. Cannot. Wait! Now I just have to make the time pass faster!

I will be meeting with a new OB... not because I didn't like my old OB, but because we moved in October, and currently the hospital my old OB is affiliated with is 30-40 minutes away, while Fairfax hospital is literally 5 minutes down the road. So I decided it was in my best interest to make the change. I hope it goes well!

Lastly, my symptom update. The main contender right now is the exhaustion... If possible, it’s worse than a week ago. I can fall asleep mid-sentence, not to mention its the first thing I want to do when I come home from work. Last night, I fell asleep at 8:45, and missed LOST, ugh, so mad at myself (Thank God for DVR)!

Second up is the frequent urination... I wake up 4 or 5 times a time to pee, not to mention pee every hour on the hour at work. I get some waves nausea, but nothing too terrible, and only one bought with actual vomiting (but I think it was because I ate too fast). I'm having a few food aversions and cravings... the aversions are mostly due to smells (like the Moby Dick's my office neighbor brought in for lunch.. ugh). My current craving du joir is sauerkraut. So much so I am stopping at the store on my way home to get some for dinner. Yummo.

Keep trying to talk myself down

For the past 48 hours, I feel like I have been completely insane. Little things drive me over the edge.

For starters, yesterday, I met with my endocrinologist regarding the pregnancy. To give a little background on myself, I was diagnosed with a very bad case of hyperthyroidism at age 15. At the time, I was the youngest person in Virginia to be diagnosed and it was so bad, I was actually hospitalized for an extended period of time. I had radioactive iodine treatment and have been "hypo" ever since. I had a great endocrinologist, Dr. G, who oversaw all my treatments and to whom I continued to see through college. Then, right when I moved to DC, he retired. Sad, sad day for me. Ever since, I have been through several new doctors, each as bad as the next. I must have just been really lucky because every endo doctor I have met since has been a complete jackass. I eventually just have to give up hope and move on.

So now I see Dr. Z, who I admit is to the point and effective, but he talks so fast it drives me crazy. He really has a knack for making me feel like just another number and is not really interested at all in any of my questions. I, of course, had a ton now that I am officially pregnant, but I feel like everything was blown off. On top of that, he had the nerve to answer a personal call on his cell while I was sitting right there. That is the sort of thing that drives me crazy... especially when he didn't even apologize afterwards for doing it. So I left the office in not too great of a mood, thinking I would just have to save all my questions for my OB.

This morning I had work drama, but I was dealing with it OK because I thought I would have my updated beta results today. I had my blood draw at 7:30 am, and thought I would get results by this afternoon. WRONG. Won't be in until tomorrow because the test is sent offsite. WTF? If I had known that, I would have pushed to come in yesterday, not today. I wanted to know everything was going well, as I am going out of town this weekend for my Birthday. Naturally, I got angry about it, and stopped dealing with my work drama so well. Now I'm in a terrible mood.

It makes me worried that I am in such a bad mood now. It totally seems like PMS, but I'm hoping its just another pregnancy symptom. Today I am 18DPO and at 4w4d.

Update: Just to reiterate how crazy I have become, I just used a stray OPK midstream test I located in my purse just to ease my mind that all is still OK.  It was of course super positive and within 30 seconds, so that hopefully can calm me down until the beta results come in tomorrow... but I thought this was funny since I'm like an HPT junkie... and just like any junkie, when you can't get a hold of the real thing (in this case, a HPT or the beta results), you move onto the cheap replacement (in this case, the OPK).  Its like a crack addit with cold medicine.

I'll warn ya now... *TMI* ahead

There have been two things I have noticed in the last week, besides the complete exhaustion I've already complained about in full... both of these things are definitely in the TMI category, but hey, I said I was gonna be up front and honest on this thing, and I intend to stick to that, especially since I'm sure it's just gonna get worse. :) The funny part is, I can't wait! I'm ready for it. Bring on all those annoying pregnancy symptoms and remind me this is real!

Anyway, the first and most uncomfortable issues I am having right now is constipation. It started with the prenatal vitamins, but got worse about a week ago. And when I say worse, I mean, bowel movements had become a thing of the past! I am usually a fairly regular gal, but not so much anymore. It's made me gassy and made my stomach hurt, and I have been miserable in this department. Well, I am happy to say, I finally POOPED! Yup, I'm excited by my execratory progress, regardless of how little anyone else in the world cares. I care, because for the first time in a week, I don't feel like my intestines are going to explode. It’s awesome.

Secondly, its the CM. I, at least, expected this somewhat, but really, not to this degree. I know my body is busy making the mucus plug, and I commend it, but I constantly feel like I have peed my pants or something.... which wouldn't surprise me right now if that did happen since I am peeing all the time right now.

In other news, it turns out my husband is terrified to have sex with me. I'm trying my best to tell him he can hurt the baby, as (a) he can't even reach him or her, and (b) its the size of a poppy seed right now. But it's to no avail. I hate to admit it hasn't really bothered me, though, because I have been so tired. All I want to do is sleep and nap and sleep more. But I don't want our sex life to go downhill either. Ugh, what’s a lady to do?